The really Kyon Kyon
by Pseudotree
Summary: This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…“Kyon-like” than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.
1. Chapter 1

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something that you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

(Feb 28, 2008 -Edited for a "less-squashed" look)

The Really "Kyon" Kyon

The bright, sun-lit classroom was filled with light chatter this morning, as the students that occupied it began to talk amongst themselves. Some with a few of their friends, some with those they don't know, and many with the intention of asking where certain facilities are as they paced between the rows of desks.

Yes -it was the start of another school year.

And among the giggles, banters, and the occasional yelps, a mound of the school's uniform (female) sat unmoving on a chair, the top leaning on the desk in front and covered in a long mop of dark brown hair tied by a yellow headband.

Suzumiya Haruhi wasn't impressed.

Here was a girl who, like many others, had the simple desire of encountering the unusual, be it an alien contact, a run-in with a time-traveller, or even just an ESP user fighting a shiny monster-thing in her city. When she was in middle school she decided to actively search for various phenomenons on her own, often leading her to small troubles that were fortunately overlooked by authority figures as "a phase".

As the time came for Haruhi to prepare for the first day of high school the next day, she faltered- What if nothing happens? What if she never gets to lead an exciting life and just go through school, become an adult, grow old, and then… nothing?

She shook her own head and tried to convince herself that a new school may bring just what, or who, is needed –with a large body of students mostly consisting of fresh faces, the possibilities are endless!

A muffled groan came out from the head buried in a pair of arms. Suzumiya Haruhi wasn't just unimpressed –she was disappointed!

"Settle down, everyone! We're starting in about five minutes!"

"Oh, great!" she muttered as her head popped up slightly. Looks like another year of school beginning with the usual, predictable routine, Haruhi thought. It was the same every time -get into your seat, quiet down, introduce yourselves…

That's when she heard it.

It was a small, mumbling sound at first, coming from the direction of the hallways. But as the source came nearer she concluded that it was evidently a voice, male. A student, perhaps? Few moments passed, during which the voice grew gradually louder (enough to pick up a few words like 'halls' and 'floor') until it was clear that whoever it was, he's coming for this classroom.

By now all of Haruhi's classmates grew quiet, no doubt just as curious as her regarding the rather loud speaker. A few hushed whispers still hung in the air, though, and Haruhi, despite the fact that she was concentrating on the voice, caught a hint of a particularly panicky discussion –"…It's Kyon!"

The booming speech promptly stopped at the same time as a set of clacking footsteps, and the occupants of the room were completely silent, waiting, waiting, waiting...

"…AND THEN I OPENED THE DOOR!"

The door swung open as the declaration echoed all throughout, revealing a tall, brown haired teen in his school uniform. His eyes were widened as if shocked, and scanned various parts of the room -from the students to the chalkboard- as he briskly walked in.

"AS I BRISKLY WALKED IN, I NOTICED THAT THE ROOM WAS FILLED WITH WIDE-EYED CLASSMATES GAWKING AT ME, NO DOUBT WONDERING WHY I'M NARRATING OUT LOUD!"

Reaching the teacher, who flinched as they made eye contact, the teen handed him a slip of paper and a few forms from his pocket. Glimpsing back and forth between the contents of the documents and the strange student, he eventually pointed towards one of the chairs in the classroom.

"THANK YOU, SENSEI!" he responded, and then proceeded to walk –to the desk right in front of Haruhi's.

Her heart thumped as the boy, followed closely by numerous pairs of eyes, quietly sat down and turned to rigidly face the teacher's table at the front of the class. Mouth slightly hanging, Haruhi unknowingly began to lean little by little towards him shakily, as if to get a better look in order to confirm that this young man is indeed real.

She yelped in surprise as the teen turned back at an impossible speed to face her. Extending his own hand a little, he said-

"Hi, I'm real."

Suzumiya Haruhi never felt so excited in her entire life.

* * *

After the students ran out of class to head for their respective homes, the usually energetic girl slinked face first onto the top of her desk, mind working at a million miles per hour as she thought back to the day's event.

Soon after the greeting from _him_, the classes started up and everyone settled down onto their seats (Or at least, tried to). Some moments later, the teacher fumbled with the attendance sheet in his hands and told the students to introduce themselves as he called their names.

Everyone felt the dread and/or anticipation emitting from each other during the rounds of "Hello, I'm…" as they knew that, inevitably, _his_ turn will come up.

Five minutes into the routine, the breath of twenty six people hitched as the strange young man stood up stiffly after being called.

Clearing his throat, he began with –"Hi, my name's-"

'Ohmanohmanohmanohmanohman…' thought Haruhi.

"…and I'm a high school student. I don't have any hobbies in particular, and usually speak my mind in the form of sarcastic retorts when walking."

And then he sat down with a thump, which jolted the poor girl behind him.

No one dared to make a big commotion out of it despite the fact that his words floated in their heads dizzily, and by the time it was Haruhi's turn, she almost missed hearing her name. Standing up nervously, she tried not to notice the intense stare of the tall boy who twisted around to look at her.

"H-hello, I'm Suzumiya-"

Stare.

"-H-Haruhi. Um, and my hobbies…um…I like…"

Stare.

"Err… time…Espers…"

Stare.

"I like aliens!"

Her entire body reddened as soon as the words left her mouth. Feeling self-conscious for the first time since she finished elementary school, Haruhi slumped onto the chair, staring down at her folded hands.

The rest of the class was a blur to her as she mentally scolded herself through it all, and by lunch time the boy, dubbed "Kyon" by everyone else, was swarmed with half of the class asking him odd questions. The other half whispered amongst themselves, occasionally glimpsing at the center of the crowd and trying to suppress a giggle.

Missing her chance to talk to "Kyon" one-on-one, Haruhi munched on her lunch silently as the young man at the heart of the cluster did so too, mumbling incoherent replies from time to time stoically.

It was only during the few minutes before the school finished that Haruhi found the opportunity to talk to him, which came in the form of a dropped, half-used eraser.

Picking it up quickly (lest Kyon does so first) then slowly lifting her head, she found the pair of glistening, almost wild eyes looking back.

"Umm… here you go." Haruhi whispered as she slowly took one of his hands and placed the little square on the palm.

Kyon said nothing for a little while, and when he seemed to have realized that she has yet to release his digits, the boy responded with –"Thanks, so you can let go now."

Loosening the hold reluctantly, the girl was about to speak when it dawned on her that she wasn't really sure of what to say to him.

"Do you… can I…"

"…Yes?" asked Kyon in a neutral tone.

"D-do you want to…want me to show you around the school?"

It was a stupid suggestion made by a brief flash of strange ideas, and Haruhi almost kicked herself literally for the foolish move. 'Stupid stupid stupid…'

As she saw a brow of the teen go up, the smaller classmate hurriedly added –"T-that is…err… do you want to _go_ around the school with me tomorrow at lunch? You know, to check out the clubs and… whatnot…"

A short pause, then Kyon answered with a question of his own in an unsure tone. "…You want me to be your friend?"

Taken aback by his straightforwardness, she was rendered completely speechless. Kyon, possibly thinking that she hasn't heard him properly, began to repeat himself when the bells signalling the end of class rang.

"Alright, all of you are dismissed!"

After the routine bow to the teacher, the students began to pack up various school supplies into their bags, including Kyon. Haruhi, watching him struggle a little with the zipper, felt a strange sensation of loss and dropped her head sadly.

"Lunch, you say?"

The girl's cranium shot back up. "…Hmm?"

Grabbing the now full bag in hand, Kyon continued with his face turned at her. "Tomorrow at lunch… I guess that would be fine."

And with a slight wave he was off, leaving a dazed Haruhi who soon started to hear trails of the strange boy's booming narration.

"...AND THEN I LEFT HER, LEAVING TRAILS OF MY BOOMING NARRATION…"

* * *

Eyeing the left hand that once held another's right, the figure sitting underneath the oak pondered her actions.

'I was being a bumbling idiot!'

Well, not that much.

For years, Suzumiya Haruhi was never the one to be at a loss. Always sure of herself, she exuded confidence and energy with every step she took, every gestures she made, every word spoken…

Until today, she never would have believed that she would stutter as she talked to a boy, any boy, but just a look from That Someone, the unusual entity of whom she searched for so long, was enough to turn her into a shaky, babbling mess. It was nerve-wracking, humiliating, frightening…

'…and utterly unpredictable' Haruhi thought as she felt for her own heartbeat with the same hand that was being gazed at.

Getting up with a sudden rush, she gathered her things and ran home. She'll have a hard time sleeping tonight, looking forward to another day that promises to be just as exciting. And as she passed by the school gate, two, three, four pairs of eyes followed her, watchful and contemplative.

* * *

The little girl was silent as she walked down the semi-empty alley alone, the bag containing her new textbooks hanging lazily from a pair of small shoulders. Just now starting her fifth year in elementary school, the brunette played the events of today over and over in her mind, then decided that it had been fine –although boring due to the routine "Write so-and-so about yourself then pass it around" thing they do at the beginning of every year. Honestly, the writing itself wasn't too bad, but considering that her "new" class consists mostly of her old-

A burst of laughter derailed her train of thoughts, and the girl looked ahead to find that her home, an average-sized house only a few steps away, was being pointed rather rudely by two sneering passer-bys that she recognized. After waiting a moment for them to walk all the way off the block, she scurried quickly into her welcoming abode with a frown.

Taking off her shoes then placing them neatly in her own corner, the child's face brightened as she saw a bigger pair lying around.

"Kyon-kun, Kyon-kun!" she called as she ran up the stairs, opening the door to her brother's room.

"Hmm?" responded the teen from his chair, his school jacket folded half way in his hands. "How many times do I have to tell you to call me 'Onii-chan'?"

Sticking her tongue out slightly with a smile, the girl hopped onto a spare stool and sat down. "Did you get it?"

Rolling his eyes, Kyon opened his school bag to pull out a small package of plain envelopes, handing it to the cheery sister. "Don't bother her _too_ much with your letters, because at the rate these are being sent, you might force the poor girl out of her room from overflow."

Giggling at the remark, she replied –"She has a big closet, you know. And just because she's in Tokyo doesn't mean I should only send them once a month or something."

Smiling softly, Kyon gained a faraway look on his face as he turned to lean on the desk. "That's right… you should keep your friends close…"

The grin leaving her mouth, the little sister stared down at the floor for a while then let her eyes travel throughout the room. Rather neat and sparsely filled with the usual shelves and cabinets, her attention eventually focused on an old picture frame. The photo within depicted a younger Kyon sitting in front of a museum with two boys around his age, the shorter guy a victim to the dreaded bunny ears thanks to the black-haired one at her brother's right.

They were his friends- until three years ago.

A month after Kyon celebrated his twelfth birthday, he began to show signs of a peculiar condition. He would occasionally get headaches and become carried away in a conversation, which eventually lead to a bizarre monologue. Past the initial speculation of it being a joke, he visited various doctors in many fields but they all shook their head regarding the cause, only knowing that Kyon was doing it compulsively.

His peers were unnerved, but tried to not let it bother them. Unfortunately, they started to drift away after a while from the pressure of their parents as well as others their age, until his friends became mere acquaintances that barely returned a nod when passing by.

Glancing at his brother, she noticed how lonely he looked with his shoulders down slightly, and practically felt an aurora of isolation.

Going over to him quietly, the sister attached herself on his back and stayed there.

'It's not fair.' She thought. He has always been her Kyon-kun, the teasing, brutally honest and reliable brother. His condition didn't change that.

"So," said Kyon as he turned a few inches to ruffle her hair reassuringly. "Why don't you try email instead?"

She only hoped that someday, he could become friends with people who can see past his quirk.

o

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hello and thank you for reading. I would like to point out in this note that I'll probably only be able to update once a month at the fastest, and once every two months at the latest (that is, of course, until I finish this fanfic). The reason behind such a pace is because I'm thinking about working on another fic (for another category) and take turns updating them.

The next chapters, by the way, are likely to be shorter. This one kept growing in size due to all the scenes that I felt were necessary to include on the first chapter.

Oh, and constructive criticism would be appreciated since this is my first fanfic to be posted up. I KNOW there were some bits that could have been worded better!

Finally, I ask that you keep checking the Authors Note (for later chapters) just in case. Thanks again!


	2. The odd couple

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 2

The students began to trickle in as class time neared, with the exception of a few who hung around the front gate to wait for friends and acquaintances.

CRUNCH

Suzumiya Haruhi wasn't one of them, however, because what she was doing so early in the day was more of a series of morning activities-

CRUNCH

-than something that could be classified as "waiting".

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH

…Especially with how loudly she was eating!

Smack

And with a suck of her finger she finished her breakfast (buttered toast) that she grabbed before rushing off to school, wanting to meet with the mysterious classmate of hers as soon as possible. People openly stared at the hungry girl despite how rude it was to do so, but kept their distance –after all, when you see a normal-looking high school student munching bread over a floral-patterned salad bowl, it's natural to feel the need to avoid her, _especially_ after she's done.

Satiated somewhat, she started glancing around as her fingers played with the china in hand. Having arrived considerably earlier than mostly everybody, though, meant that Haruhi had to endure a period of restlessness.

It was during her rounds of indignant shouts aimed towards the nice guy who dropped a coin in the bowl that she heard the tell-tale voice, the words ringing sweetly in her ears.

"…ING LUNATIC! PEOPLE LIKE HIM SHOULD GET THEIR LICENSE TAKEN AWAY BEFORE THEY RUN OVER THE WHOLE GODDAMN NEIGHBORHOOD!"

Ah, like nectar for bumblebees.

Kyon, slightly red-faced from the angry yelling, made eye contact with the girl who was waiting for him and a look of recognition crossed his face. When the boy neared, strangely enough, Haruhi suddenly felt that his stare doubled in intensity and became focused on her Tuesday hairdo: a lengthy pony-tail.

"A LENGTHY PO-" was all that got out, before Kyon clamped a hand over. Looking questioningly at the frowning young man who seemed to be gnawing the inside of his own mouth, Haruhi greeted him in a cheerful voice. "G' morning, Kyon-san!"

Taking note of how the tied-up hair bounced perkily as she talked, he lowered his hand and replied. "Good morning… Suzumiya-san, was it?"

"Right." said the girl with a smile, squashing the disappointment of not being at a first-name basis.

Already having guessed that she was waiting for him, he asked the other question in mind. "So… what's that in your hand?"

Glancing at the bowl containing the 50 yen coin, she was struck with a bizarre idea again. "Currency from 1968! That means it's as old as our parents!"

A pause, then Kyon slowly nodded. "…I see. Well, should we go to class, now?"

Grinning happily, she walked along with him towards the main school building, barely suppressing her eagerness for the day's lunch period.

"AND SO I WALKED ALONGSIDE SUZUMIYA-SAN, THE GIRL WITH BREAD CRUMBS AROUND HER MOUTH..."

* * *

It could be said that the classes simply flitted by the exuberant girl, if not for the occasional ruckus which seem to be prevalent in any homerooms. While she let her eyes roam over Kyon's back (and getting a few glimpses from him in return), the young lass noted that the attention on the boy seemed to have increased as the "news" on his odd characteristics spread all over the school. But, it turned out, almost half of his classmates stopped approaching him directly as they realized how unresponsive he was.

Then lunch came.

Just as Haruhi slung her bag (with her meal) over the shoulder and moved towards the young man, a flash of dark blue suddenly entered the corner of her vision.

"Excuse me, Suzumiya-san, Kyon-san…" inquired a long haired girl politely.

Both of the mentioned party turned and replied in unison. "Yes?"

Beaming at the pair, she continued. "I couldn't help but overhear yesterday about the club-hunting that you two were planning on…"

'Huh. I wondered if anyone else noticed that I talked to him.' thought Haruhi.

"And, well... I thought you should know that the Fortune-Telling club at the east wing isn't meeting this period today, so you should check it after school."

Kyon nodded. "Thank you for the advice –and I'm assuming that you're interested in checking it as well?"

"Oh, no –I just heard it from one of the seniors before class started. It was nothing, really."

"I'm still thankful that you told us, miss…?"

She smiled then bowed slightly. "Ryoko Asakura. I have to leave now, but I hope you wouldn't mind discussing clubs again later."

And after some brief exchanges she was off, hair trailing gracefully out of the room with her.

Watching the girl leave then turning to his strangely quiet companion, Kyon received a look back. "She seemed… nice."

Letting a barely audible chuckle escape, his eyes went back to the doorway she left from. "Yeah –she does."

* * *

They walked towards the school grounds with Kyon's narration in tow ("…I FELT THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE WATERED THE LAWNS MORE…"), and Haruhi listened in contentment. Finding a rather good-sized bench a few feet from the school garden, they decided to settle down and eat their lunches before starting the search.

"So, do you have any specific clubs in mind?" asked Kyon as he took out a small bento.

Nudging herself closer as discretely as possible for her (which wasn't very discrete), she responded semi-casually while opening the lid of a large plastic container. "Err… actually, I think the Fortune Telling club would have been my first choice." Turning, she continued. "Does… does it seem like a good one to join?"

Mulling over with a bite in his mouth, he replied some moments later. "To be honest, I'm not all that into mysticism, but I suppose a look wouldn't hurt…" a drink from a can. "…as long as the senior members don't go crazy with the candle wax."

Laughing softly, the rest of their meal went by in comfortable silence, the two generally left to themselves besides the occasion points towards Kyon by passing students.

'Maybe we're friends?'

Eventually they were done and got up, Kyon stretching his back a little as he made a suggestion. "How about checking out the closest ones first? That'll save time."

"Hmm? Oh, sure…" said Haruhi, taking her eyes off his shoulder before he noticed. "I think the nearest clubs from here were astronomy, volleyball… and…"

"And Literature." finished Kyon with a grin. "Can't forget that one."

O

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

…Well, I did say that the later chapters will probably be shorter. I'm not sure how long the next one will be, though.

Anyway, expect the next chapter to be out in another almost-a-month or so –although, it seems that I may be able to update earlier.

And… um… there isn't much to say in _this_ note, so… check the next one once it comes out with the third chapter, I guess. Thanks again for reading!

March 14, 2008


	3. The hunt

Pseudotree's fanfic

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 3

"Hey –isn't that guy… Kyon or whatever?" remarked the teen.

His (presumed) friend beside him turned from the bulletin board to look out the window beside him. "Hmm? Well, yeah… He seems like him."

"Man, I heard about that nut-sack last year or so but I didn't- whoa, who's that with him?!"

A stretch, then a flash of recognition. "You don't know Suzumiya? She was in your class last year before you transferred, remember?"

"Oh, _her_! She's the one who flooded the locker rooms, right? Man, what a mess _that_ was!"

The other boy chuckled. "Never got _caught_ for that one, though. But seriously, you should have seen what she pulled afterwa-"

"I HAD THE FEELING THAT THESE FLOWERS WERE BLOOMING OUT OF SEASON…"

"Ha! He's actually doing it!" said the young man in mirth. "This is some messed up scene right here –two weirdoes waltzing around the school like some kind of a 'Romance of the Eccentric', or something… Huh, do you think he'll say anything about this bottle when I throw it at his-"

A pair of bespectacled eyes and a bone-chilling swish –the two lads by the second-story window were never seen again.

* * *

Kyon suddenly stopped mid-step as Haruhi halted along with him, and she thought she saw a slight shiver going through the boy.

"Is… something wrong?" Haruhi asked worriedly.

He looked back towards her and, after a brief pause, answered with a smile that resembled a grimace. "No, everything's fine… Just thinking about what happened back there."

This reply was accompanied with a gesture towards the astronomy club that they exited a few minutes ago –honestly, the club was well-organised, friendly, and had some fascinating findings and all, but after hearing the horrible nail-on-blackboard screeching noise produced by the club president (which was generated often, they were told), the two came to the realization that their interest in the subject was… just not _strong_ enough.

A similar shiver ran over Haruhi as well. "…Yeah. Good thing she's not a teacher… yet."

Grinning more genuinely, Kyon responded with a simple nod.

The rest of the way towards the pair's next destination flew by, and they looked around the edge of the rather empty field confusedly until a small group of older students passed them by.

"Excuse me! Are you a Volleyball team member?"

One of the girls spoke up. "Hmm? Yeah, what about it?"

"Isn't this where the members meet? And look for new recruits?"

The senior broke a small grin. "Kid, today's only the second day –at least a quarter of the clubs in the school haven't even reopened all the way yet."

Acknowledging this with a slight bob of the head, Kyon turned to his fellow classmate apologetically. "Sorry, Suzumiya-san –I should have checked the bulletin board more carefully."

"Ah… no, don't be –it's me who should have-"

"Suzumiya? Suzumiya Haruhi?!" exclaimed the upperclassmen in front of them. "The Super Prodigy Athlete?!"

Her hands were snatched at bullet-like speed and were shaken rapidly as the older girl started rambling, to Haruhi's bewilderment. "My GOSH! I've seen the videos my friends took last year when you were at the sports festival! You just _have_ to join the Girl's Volleyball team!!"

Frazzled but knowing that she should reply, the slightly disoriented girl was about to do so when what the other young woman said hit her.

'…the _Girl's_ Volleyball team…' she turned to her left. '…and Kyon is…'

Masculine Kyon blinked his manly eyes back at her.

'…How is it that I completely forgot about the gender-division of high school sports teams?'

After much prying, declination, more prying, apology, and even further prying later, the devastated sempai reluctantly let her go, but not without making everyone within a 10 mile radius feel very, VERY guilty.

* * *

"So, this is the Literature clubroom?" inquired Haruhi, looking over the wooden door as if inspecting it for quality.

Kyon, who moved to knock the door, shrugged. "As far as I know."

Knock, knock.

"…Hmm."

Knock, knock.

A few more (louder) tries later, they began to grow a little impatient. After wondering out loud the possibility of the club not meeting today, Kyon assured her that they were, according to the schedule he had a glimpse of. And while taking a moment to debate whether it would be rude to just walk in or not, the two students were interrupted…

Thump.

…By a small bang against the door coming from the inside.

"…Ouch." came a muffled exclamation.

The entry opened to reveal a lithe figure standing in front of a small classroom. As the odd couple looked curiously at the short girl, they noticed a copy of The Awkward Meeting in her hand, and a bruise forming quickly on her forehead just above a pair of large glasses.

A few more moments of staring, then Haruhi spoke up. "Err… hello. We're here to check out the Literature club, Miss…?"

The smaller girl gazed impassively, then replied with a quiet –"…Nagato Yuki."

It was at this time Kyon belatedly asked her (as he snapped out of the trance-like state of bewilderment) - "Ah! Are-are you okay? You're bruising…"

Nagato turned to look up towards him, and slowly executed a slight nod.

"…Sit." she said afterwards, gesturing towards the table and chairs.

The three occupants settled down and the two newcomers introduced themselves. They were surprised to find (after some tedious attempts to get more than one word answers out of her) that Nagato was the only one in the entire club, which she seemed to have somehow re-established herself yesterday. Upon asking for a description of the Literature club's nature, she produced from her inner pocket a thin, slightly worn brochure of some sort that seems to have been written by last year's members, and handed it to Kyon.

While Kyon silently looked through the rather informative document, Haruhi glimpsed back and forth at him and the only official member (also currently reading), pondering.

* * *

"That was… interesting." remarked Kyon as he walked along with Haruhi towards their class, lunch time being nearly over.

His companion nodded. "She's quite a character, isn't she? I get the feeling that Yuki-san bumped her head trying to open the door with that book on her face."

Kyon cleared his throat. "Anyway –what do think about the club? It seems pretty fine, and more members might turn up eventually…"

Haruhi seemed thoughtful for a minute, and then smiled brightly. "Personally, I think that just by having someone like her around can make anyplace fun –she can be the club's Silent Girl Type!"

The lad beside her stared at the girl carefully. "…Suzumiya-san, don't take this the wrong way bUT I FIND YOU TO BE A RATHER UNUSUAL PERSON…"

O

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hi! Hello! How's everything?! This fic is now at its third chapter, and I suppose that means something or the other for someone at someplace… And just so all of you people who has me on Author Alert know, I may put up a one shot fanfic at some point (and no, it probably won't affect the schedule for this story's later chapters) under the Haruhi section, so don't be shocked beyond shocked if you receive a notice earlier than usual.

Thank you for reading, and know that I would appreciate any and all constructive criticisms (My stories feel too amateurish…).


	4. The birth

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 4

"Do you want some of this egg-roll?" asked Kyon, pointing at the food in question with his chopstick.

"Wooh, thanks!" exclaimed Haruhi, picking a few from the container.

"Takes some more while you're at it- I may finish the rest by the time you want more."

"Naw, this is enough."

"Alright, then. What about you…" he continued, turning to his left. "…Asahina-san?"

* * *

In just within a week, Kyon and Haruhi checked up on nearly all the clubs they had in mind during lunch hours and after school, from the Animation Club to Zebra Decahedron (the two still didn't get what that club did). Either the energetic girl was less than impressed, or the boy just simply lacked interest. And through it all Haruhi was intent on finding a place suitable for both of them.

It wasn't all that bad for the pair, though, as the time they spent with each other was-

"Kyon-san!" came a voice, and strangely enough, a squeak.

The lad turned and found Haruhi running excitedly towards him (on the same bench they've used for the past few days), dragging a shorter, terrified girl with her in a rather forceful manner. Stopping abruptly and grinning as she reached her destination, the young Suzumiya didn't even break a sweat while the other gasped and choked as she panted heavily, teary-eyed.

Smirking, Kyon jokingly remarked- "Well, well! Who is this fine lady you kidnapped?"

Haruhi then enthusiastically began a series of hand-gestures, flowery oral description, exaggerated swaggers, and what looked like a bizarre pelvic thrust.

The boy looked at her oddly. "Err… yes, the Eiffel Tower does look nice, I guess, but you haven't answered my question."

Confused, the eccentric girl shrugged and explained joyously- "I saw her fidgeting around on the west building, so I brought her here!"

"…Why?"

"Why? Isn't it obvious? Look how cute she is!" she said, grabbing the girl and thrusting her roughly at Kyon's face. "A meal's more fun with delicious people like _this_ little tart!"

A pair of large, frightened eyes looked up at him, accompanied by a quivering whimper. "Wha…w-w-why is she…"

Staring at the two for a moment, the young man eventually sighed and plucked Haruhi's hands off the shaken "Delicious person". "It seems that Suzumiya-san here wants you to join us for lunch, Miss…?"

Flabbergasted and still scared out of her wits, she managed out- "M-Mikuru …Asahina Mikuru."

* * *

"…Asahina-san?"

Snapping to attention, Mikuru shook her head stiffly. "N-no, thank you."

She sat beside them for the last five minutes, observing the two in silent awe while attempting to eat her lunch. For some reason, the girl showed surprise and fascination at the overall casualness of Haruhi and Kyon's interaction, which didn't seem all that different from "normal" relationships between others their age.

'…Oh…oh! Well, maybe not all _that_ normal…' she noted, catching Haruhi glimpsing occasionally at the boy when she thought he wasn't looking.

"So, were you looking for something near the other building before Suzumiya-san abducted you?" Kyon queried.

Prodding her food a little, Mikuru responded quietly. "…I was… looking for the Calligraphy club. I couldn't hand in my application around the time school started, and today's the deadline…"

"I see. Suzumiya-san, do you know where the Calligraphy room is?"

"Um… no, I don't."

The girl checked her watch and deflated. "It's fine… I probably couldn't have found it in time, anyway…"

'Poor girl. They really should print some maps for this place- the directions on that bulletin board can get confusing at times. And smudged'

"I guess we're not the only ones with club troubles. Although, our problem's finding the one we want."

"Oh?"

Haruhi nodded. "We've been club-hunting since day one. Geez, nothing we try seem to fit us…"

"Maybe we're just hard to please." Kyon mused, and then leaned back as he closed his bento dejectedly. "Perhaps we'll have more luck founding a new club from scratch…"

Silence. Then…

"You're right!" shouted Haruhi as she shot up, more to herself than Kyon. "Kyon-san, I'm going to check up on a few things first, so I'll see you in class!" then pointing a finger to young Asahina ("Yip!"), she ordered- "YOU. Meet us after school in front of our classroom!"

And she was off, leaving a bewildered Kyon and Mikuru, who suddenly felt the need to protect her innocence.

She would have been very sad to know that the Calligraphy club was just around the corner from where Haruhi found her.

* * *

Mikuru and Kyon were further acquainted in Haruhi's absence, and the lad was surprised to note that she was actually a year above him. When questioned about the vibrant girl's spontaneous leave, Kyon shrugged, replying that he has trouble following Suzumiya's train of thoughts at times.

"Are you sure about meeting us after class? Suzumiya-san will understand if you don't want to. I think."

She faltered a bit, but then determinedly responded- "I believe… that it's suppose to be this way."

Kyon stared as if he had no idea why (or how) she made it sound like the world depended on her decision.

"Ah, we should probably get to our next class, now." she noted, hearing a beep from her pocket.

"I… go ahead of me, Asahina-san. I think I'll sit here a while longe-"

"If it's about your condition, I don't mind." she stated in an even tone.

To his credit, Kyon merely paused for a moment. "…News certainly travels fast in high school."

By the time he arrived at his classroom, Haruhi was already sitting at the desk with a big grin on her face. Kyon met her eyes with an identical expression that adorned him since he walked Mikuru to the chemistry lab. The lessons that started dragged on, it seems.

And now, as the last bell of the day echoed the halls…

"Alright, so what's the big surprise, Suzumiya-san?" questioned the boy, smiling as Asahina came to join them ("Am I late? I'm not late, am I?").

The ends of her mouth reaching the ears, she signalled to follow.

* * *

"Are you serious?" asked Kyon, knowing that she was.

The group was in a small room filled with books at the side. On one corner was a bespectacled girl reading The Birth of an Empire, seemingly oblivious to the conversation held by intrusive non-members taking place.

Yes, it was the Literature Club.

"Of course! I already have the applications half-filled, and ordered the standard supplies. I'll bring them over tomorrow so that-"

"But this is the Literature Club! Doesn't Nagato-san-"

"I talked to her. She said she doesn't mind, and if there are people who wanted to join then they should have by now, so we don't have to worry about getting crowded." at this, Haruhi thrust her arms expansively around, and Kyon looked over to the quiet reader.

Nagato Yuki flipped a page from her book.

Turning to his side, he asked in an apologetic tone-"What about you, Asahina-san? Founding a new club is a lot of work and you probably have other places in mind."

"Actually," she replied, even more apologetically. "I'm… interested in where Suzumiya-san's going with this."

With an unreadable expression, he faced Haruhi. "Okay, then. Just what kind of a 'Brigade' do you have in mind?"

As if she waited for this question, Haruhi's hand shot up to salute him. "Whatever _you_ want it to be, Mister President!"

O

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

Meh, this chapter came out ok, I guess. It could have been written more interestingly, though.

As usual, expect the next chapter to be out in about a month or so. Oh and here's an extra scene that may or may not have taken place the day before the events of this chapter.

**Ultra Funky Extra Scene Commence!**

"Let's see, now… I pull here like this, then…no, the other way…" muttered Haruhi.

In the privacy of her room she practiced the series of hand-gestures, flowery oral description, exaggerated swaggers, what looked like a bizarre pelvic thrust, and pretty much everything that the column in the magazine (How to Belatedly Greet People in a Seductive Way) told her to do.

"Phew! Belatedly greeting people in a seductive way is _hard_- I think I'll just try the first tip tomorrow."

Despite her brilliant mind, the young Suzumiya Haruhi failed to deduce the fact that the questionable article was written for teenage boys. Back in the 70's.


	5. The Smile

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 5

Kyon cleared his throat softly as he flipped through the news during breakfast.

"Kyon-kun, Kyon-kun! Where did you put the syrup?!" queried his little sister half way inside the fridge.

"Second compartment, next to the butter…" he murmured.

Yesterday, he took part in founding a club. Yesterday, he was told that he was to be the president of the said club.

Kyon yawned lightly, stifling it with his hand.

Yesterday, he was given the great responsibility of leading a club of three (or four, if Yuki could be counted.) Kyon, although mature and reliable in many ways, was considered "unmotivated" and "lazy" by his peers in the past.

"Hey, hey. Don't hog all the syrup, now." warned the boy, not looking up from the newsprints in his hands.

A tongue stuck out in reply.

Out of all the awesome responsibilities that he bore on his shoulders, the heaviest would be the job of designating the purpose of the club. Brown eyes wide with expectations, the young Suzumiya radiated anticipation for his answer the last time Kyon saw her.

Behind the papers, Kyon stared blankly at the words. His pupils were static, looking very, very far away.

The as-of-yet-unnamed-club was made up of a hard-to-impress prodigy, a girl who originally wanted to try calligraphy, (maybe) a quiet type who reads, and the school's infamous narrator. Founding a place for them all would seem very impossible for an average person, as their different interests suggests that a great search was more befitt-

"Kyon-kun? Kyon-kun! Is something wrong?"

Kyon suddenly got up from his seat and started pacing around the table, groping the papers in his hand, twisting them one way, then another. He breathed heavily, limbs trembling, eyes darting and wild, going in circles and circles and circles and circles…

"…Kyon-kun?"

Kyon spread his mouth ear to ear and formed the biggest grin he ever grinned in years.

* * *

"Right. Yeah, right there." said the boy to Haruhi, taping his end of the upturned banner into place.

"Okay, so is everybody here? Oh, right, Asahina-san went to get that chair. Nagato-san? Nagato… Nagato-san, are you sure you're fine over there? Those are pretty heavy… Hmm? Ah, thank you, Asahina-san. Yes, just put it there for now… okay. Yes, that's everybody. Let's start, shall we?"

At this, Haruhi sat down with a flourish, crossing her legs and putting her hands together. Mikuru took a place beside Yuki on the edge of the table, and gave the president her undivided attention.

Nagato Yuki stared.

After a brief look around, Kyon straightened slowly and started. "Alright. It came to my attention that we have a variety of people here, all with different interests, goals, and outlook on school life."

Kyon gauged the reaction of the people in the room.

"And while that's just fine, we do need a focus for our club. Something we can all participate in, striving for a… kind of a destination. This is, of course, difficult for us, for the reason I've just explained."

He began pacing around the banner.

"In fact, even in a city as big as ours, there may be or may have been only one place where we can all fit into comfortably. Which is why I propose that the nature of this club should be…"

He stopped his movement to turn towards his captive audience.

"...a research-oriented search party. Our job will be to find a place for members and non-members alike, by going out on field trips to sample clubs in and out of school, doing research on profit and non-profit organizations in the vicinity, and collect interesting news and rumours of all kinds to form the basis of new clubs. We'll also look into records of past clubs and organizations in hopes of reviving them, if it comes to it."

"In other words, we'll be a club for the club-less, aiding ourselves and others in looking for someplace that fits them. And yes, this means that at some point, one or more of us may find another club or organization that suits them during the search. So while we will be accepting more members, we'll technically be working hard to get 'rid' of them and ourselves. It'll probably be the hardest, but also the happiest part."

Kyon held up a hand while continuing his speech.

"Now, I may not know all of you all that well- in fact, I just met Asahina-san yesterday -but if you accept, I'm willing to work with all of you to make this club a success. Nagato-san here, while already having found her place, is going to lend support by giving us this room and joining in as our fourth member, while still retaining her position as the Literature club president. Thank you, and welcome."

Nagato Yuki stared, then nodded.

"This club will most likely have its downs, of course, but with care, we'll also have our share of ups. And this may sound funny, but all of us should stick together, giving our all, until… well, until we find something better! (Light chuckles pervaded.) …Because it will be _our_ club. Our club, which we found ourselves. Our club, which shall be called, after some brainstorming from me and Suzumiya-san, the Half-Eased Lost People. Or..."

At this, Kyon unlatched the tape, letting the banner of four letters drape down.

"...H.E.L.P., for short."

"And that is my proposal for the purpose, the nature, of our club. Thank you."

A short pause, then a trickle, two, and finally an eruption of applause filled the room. Kyon, with relaxed posture and a light smile, looked content.

* * *

It was quiet. It was quiet in the room save the occasional flip of the page. That is, until light footsteps approached the clubroom, and the door opened with a long, piercing creak.

"Hmm, better get the door oiled, or something…" Kyon remarked, setting down the box of supplies he carried onto the table. He then noticed the other occupant in the room.

"Ah, Nagato-san… good, you're still here…"

Nagato Yuki looked up from her book.

Kyon continued. "You see, since our club is going to have to do tons of research, reading these…"

A heavy book as thick as a brick was lifted from the shelves.

"…will be essential. So we should use the natural light coming from the window as much as possible to cut down on eye-strain. I'm also thinking of getting better lighting in here…"

"And- err, can you come over here for a moment? Yes, sit down on the side, facing the table. Now, try reading this. Do you notice something?"

Nagato Yuki stared at the book, then back to Kyon.

"Right, it drapes and blocks the light a bit, when reading like that. So if you and the others don't mind, I… actually, can I use yours as an example? (Stare, then a nod) Ah, thanks. So what I have in mind for everyone is…"

Kyon then ran his hand caressingly through… and tied Yuki's hair into a short, but perfect, ponytail. A band was seemingly produced from nowhere and kept it in place.

"There. Now you're ready to read in any position." And with those words, the grin from the morning returned to his face, tenfold.

Nagato Yuki stared… then blinked.

O

General Author's Note

…What? It should take at least a ponytail-harem for Kyon to be motivated enough to give them that PASSIONATE speech!

As usual, expect the next chapter to be out in a month or so. Have a Kyontastic day!

Beta-read by Kildred, who did an awesome job once again.


	6. The secret

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 6

_It was a cloudless, sunny day._

"Yuki! Pass me that sticky-note!" Haruhi called, her ponytail bouncing hypnotically with each and every syllable.

_The critters were crawling, birds singing…_

"Hmm?" exclaimed Asahina, ponytail flipping as she turned towards the window. "Isn't that the science teacher, Mr. Takagi?"

…_and the breeze seemed to hum a gentle tune._

Nagato Yuki speed-read the old school yearbooks, short ponytail fluttering as her face moved right to left, right to left… "…Unique."

_The air had a crisp quality that filled the lungs with vitality…_

"Yuki! Yuki-san! Yuki-Yuki! Just pass me the- Hey, that really is Takagi-sensei!" She than twisted and stretched across Asahina, her ponytail brushing against the other girl's face. Mikuru nearly stumbled off the chair, ponytail quivering.

…_spreading energy from the tip to the end._

"What's he doing near the volleyball game? Wait, is he sitting on one of the…" Haruhi dropped her book, catching Yuki's attention and snap her own ponytail.

_The fountain deep in the mountain felled the water graciously from above…_

"Oh my GOD don't tell me he's there to-" with an "Oof!", Haruhi landed on Mikuru's lap, her flowing ponytail seeming to stand for a moment before trailing after the head. Yelping, Asahina-san looked down towards the girl, as if trying to see through her ponytail. Her ponytail drooping, she nervously asked "W-what's he there to…?", resulting in a violent tremor of ponytails as the young Suzumiya tried to get up without a proper hold. Being ticklish, the orange-tinged ponytail flailed wildly from the attempt, further worsened by the ponytail rubbing against her and the ponytail sliding past her leg and the ponytail-

…_and the young man hid a secret under the table._

Finally having regained her footing, Haruhi explained- "Well, it seems like Takagi-sensei's peek-"

"Um, Asahina-san?" Kyon queried. "Didn't you say you needed to go home before five today?"

Letting out a squeak, she turned to the clock then back to the club president. "T-thank you for reminding me. I, err, guess I have to get going…"

Quickly gathering her belongings, she exited the clubroom shortly after a brief goodbye.

Kyon then turned to Haruhi. "What about you, Suzumiya-san? We already finished our workload for today…"

"I suppose we could leave early today… Oh, wait- I should go pick up the other yearbooks from the yearbook committee."

"I'll go with you…" he said as he started to get up, and then stopped abruptly. "…um, actually, can you go ahead first? I need to check some of the applications."

"Sure thing!" she replied, heading for the door. "By the way, is the room too warm? You're looking kind of red…"

Kyon merely chuckled.

* * *

The club known as H.E.L.P. did not limit their activities to poring over documents in the clubroom. In fact, just yesterday…

"Alright, so let's go over this again." said the club president. "Nagato will be checking the park along with Asahina-san to attend the environmental protection agency's information session, and I'll be going off to the Computer Society and the Fortune Telling club along with Suzumiya-san. And since we don't really know how long each of us will take, we'll go straight home after we're done. Everyone okay with that?"

A wave of nods went through the group briefly, then Mikuru raised her hand for a query. "So we're going to discuss what we've gathered at tomorrow's meeting?"

"Yes, we will be- although I got something else planned for the majority of it."

The members of H.E.L.P. then exchanged goodbyes and went on their way, closing the clubroom for the day.

"Do you remember the directions?" asked Haruhi. They've visited the aforementioned clubs before.

"Mm-hmm…" was he simple response, casually slinging his bag over the shoulder.

Arriving at the Computer Society, they found many of the members working diligently in front of the screen. A sandy-haired student who looked slightly older than them was watching over a freshman, and then noticed the two visitors. "Can I help you?"

"Computer Society president?" Kyon recalled. "Hi. We're from the club on the other half of the hall and kind of wondering if you can spare us a moment."

Walking over to them he questioned curiously- "On this hall? Which club?"

"H.E.L.P. We opened pretty recently." answered Haruhi, beaming.

Raising an eyebrow, he glanced over them carefully. "So… what can I do for you?"

"Well, we're wondering if you have some copies of this club's brochures left over. You see, our club is suppose to direct people to other clubs after we find out what they're interested in, so having some pamphlets to show would help."

"Oh, I see- like a student guidance office for clubs, specifically." Making a motion with his hands, he called for another member. "Hattori! Can you get the brochures and the schedules? They should be in the left storage…"

"Just a sec!"

He then turned back to the two in front of him. "I'll be glad to help- we're planning to work on some big projects including a game that's supposed to be finished near the end of the year, so getting extra members would be great."

Kyon nodded as he received the stack brought to him, and Haruhi followed up with another query- "Say, can you recommend us a good computer model? We're thinking of getting one after we get our funding."

"Recommend one? Well, I would… actually, why don't I help you shop for one _in store_? Just look for me when you're ready."

"Really? Thank you- that's really generous."

Chuckling, he simply replied- "No problem. I usually help out with these things."

A polite farewell later, Hattori turned to the club president. "Well, that went pretty smoothly."

Remembering how unfriendly some of the clubs can be, he let out a small smile with a shrug. "Keeping good relations with others in the school's important."

"Heh, I guess you're right, Ya-"

* * *

It was well after Haruhi left that Kyon slowly got up from his seat. Despite what he said, he already reviewed the applications thoroughly.

"Well, I guess I should catch up with her…" he then glanced left and right, before wondering out loud- "Wait a minute, where's… hmm, I guess she slipped out."

Creeeeak. DrrrRK.

"ONCE AGAIN I HAVE FORGOTTEN TO OIL THE CONFOUNDED…"

And amidst the trailing sound of his voice, a small rustling noise followed the emergence of Nagato Yuki… who came out from under the table with the book that Haruhi dropped in hand.

"…Unique."

She saw it.

O

General Author's Note

She _saw_ it. OH EM GEE!

Check back next month for the seventh instalment of Kyon-Kyon's Dermatologic Journey, ragamuffins! Bubbababa-bubba-baba!

Beta read by Kildred.


	7. The sklgfh

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 7

"Really? He actually said that?"

Reiko finished sipping from her juice carton and answered. "Yeah, I know. I was surprised too."

Sighing, Rina rested her head on her palm as she glanced at a sheet of paper in hand. "Well, then maybe... I guess I could lose a few..."

"Are you kidding me? You're just fine, okay?"

"But hey- It couldn't hurt. Maybe it'll help me do better at PE too, or something." Ker-chkt. Slurrrrp. "And it wouldn't be all that bad. Mostly hitting, or swimming, running to bases... Lots to choose fr-"

Rustle.

"...?"

Rustle. Rustle rustle. Rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle...

"...DID SOMEONE SAYYYYY..."

"What the-"

The bush behind the two exploded into jumping figures, startling them from their lunch. Standing up after landing with a crouch, four teenagers in their standard school uniform towered above them, especially the tall guy in the middle.

"...'BASEBALLLLLLLLL'?!" exclaimed the aforementioned tall guy.

The brunette was the first to act as she zoomed into Rina's personal space. "Our school's Baseball team located on the west field took part in the regional championship for six years and counting!"

Swoosh. The orange-haired girl. "And in the last two seasons, they were the runner-up as well as recipients of various honorary awards!"

"ARISE, YOUNG RINA, FOR YOUR FATED TIME TO SHINE HAS COME!"

Nudge, nudge. The short one. "Fascinated parties should commence immediately to the office in unit 106 for regular registration, otherwise have their name put on the waiting list starting April 14th. We, the third party will not be held responsible for any and all damages to the person or property as our intended purpose is to inform, and isn't officially affiliated to-"

"BAT BAT BAT! BATTER UP!"

Reiko and her friend barely stifled their gasps as they were grabbed and held in place, and almost choked on air when the menacing young man at the center pulled out a-

"THE LARGE ALUMINUM BAT GLISTENED AGAINST THE SUN AS I HELD IT UP BEFORE ME. WINDING IT BACK, I READIED IT TO HIT MY VULNERABLE TARGET..."

Crinkle.

'Oh, no...' thought Rina. Is this the end? After fifteen years of a boring, mediocre life, it's all going to come to an end by being maimed to death by (as far as she could tell) a crazed school gang? Whimpering, she shut her eyes...

...Pok.

...And was a bit confused. Sure, she wasn't the sturdiest person she knew, but the hit sounded too soft to be her own skull. Then there was the lack of pain... Hmm, maybe her death came quick and painlessly?

"Look at it soar!"

Curiosity overcoming her fear, she looked up to find that no one was even paying attention to her, but instead on a familiar sheet of paper balled up and flying toward the sun.

"Say goodbye to your lousy grades on PE, Rina-san, for you shall be..." then, turning with a dramatic flourish- "...the school's next BASEBALL STAR!"

"B-base... Baseball?!" she sputtered, dumbfounded. "W-who are you... Are you people from the Baseball team?!"

Silence.

"...Baseball team? Us?" murmured the brunette with the ponytail, eyes glazed.

"I'm afraid you didn't hear us correctly. Our club, _not_ officially affiliated with any other in the school, has been founded with a unique purpose..."

"To inform. To direct. To help the poor lost souls in search of a place where they belong..."

"When our fellow students are in need, then no worries, for..."

Limbs, hips, and heads jutted out all over the place as the club before the confuzzled girls struck a group pose.

"...H.E.L.P. IS ON THE WAY!"

They then proceeded to bombard Rina with pamphlets and business cards and promptly ran away, cackles and ponytails trailing behind them.

It was five minutes later when Reiko finally found her voice. "What... the _hell?!_"

H.E.L.P., the Half-Eased Lost People! For more information on our services, call 172OO-476-HELP!

* * *

"Heh... he he..."

Mikuru Asahina looked up from her geometry homework and stared at the slumbering club member. "Dreaming?" she mused with a soft smile.

"Hee... swing it... take the base..."

"Base? Base... baseball?"

Mikuru thought back to the day before. Didn't Yuki say that they're full?

Then, reminded of her duty, she closed her book and got up her chair. She had a job to do.

* * *

"Oh, man! You just _got_ to see this!"

Itsuki turned his attention from the coffee maker and toward his colleague in front of a screen. "See? What is it?"

Pointing to a particular paragraph, the excited young man said with glee- "This report from Shido! Right here!"

Crouching along with the dangerously hot drink, Itsuki took a long sip as he skimmed through. "An altered, miniature closed space?"

"Exactly! He said that it formed sometime this afternoon, and actually seems to have inhabitants!" he sputtered.

"Inhabi... Wait, what's this bit about Baseball?"

"I'm not sure. Shido didn't really figured it out either, so he sent it over to me." Eyes wide with fanatic passion, he clapped his hands together and spoke to the ceiling- "Gosh, what could it mean? What is it implying?! Could Tori's faction be right about..."

Rolling his eyes, the smiling teen turned away from his ranting friend and back to his own work. Lets see, err... oh, my. The budget for this year's office party's-

Bee bee bee...

Beep. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP...

Everyone in the the facility stopped what they were doing as the signal rang, and rushed to the fourth room on the first floor. Hastily closing up the lab behind him, Itsuki hurried to catch up with the rest of his division.

"Why now? Jeez, it better not be just another drill." came a stray voice.

Arriving at the intended meeting place, Koizumi carefully avoided elbowing the others as the half a dozen from the third division crowded around an Esper at the center.

"Sir? What's the situation?"

Glancing over his shoulder, the moustached man in his fifties motioned them to be silent. Cautiously, everyone quieted and came closer to the row of switchboards.

Composing himself, the man replied in a hushed voice- "Our situation at the moment is rather delicate, and will be clearer as soon as we can catch the right frequency. Normally, I would call the fourth and the fifth as well, but this one's best kept confidential-"

"SIR! He came into contact!" shouted a dishevelled tech, abruptly stopping him.

"Put him on!" he shouted, agitation clearly showing as he ignored his own order.

Crrrk.

Static cackled from a pair of speakers above them, and they held their breath.

Crrkrrrr... _"_..._a-and make sure you have it ready, will ya?"_

"Takagi? Takagi! Explain yourself- where are you now?!"

'Takagi? The one who sits with us during lunch?'

After a pause, 'Takagi' responded- _"Gee, sir. I'm pretty sure I left a memo by your desk. And after all this time you should know how much-"_

"Oh, god..." the man murmured, running a hand over his head. "Ch-check his coordinates. He can't actually be..."

"Sir, he's... he is. He's there on the red zone now!"

"_Pfft, the 'red zone'! Just because we haven't ran through all the procedures yet doesn't mean this place is..." __pause.__ "...You know what? It's like any other school I've been to! All this fear... ridiculous..."_

"DAMN IT, TAKAGI! This isn't about that! What about all the other factions? Do you have any idea how hard it was to make that latest agreement-"

"_Please, Sir! There's no way they would know- and we need to start as soon as possible to make sure we're not behind the others!"_

Letting out a frustrated sigh, the head retorted remorsefully. "A week, Takagi. We just needed to wait a week and we could have started as per agreement!"

"_No way, Sir! Haven't you seen the reports we were getting? Don't you realize how much we could be missing out on while they're laughing their ass off, a dozen steps ahead of us? I tell you, we need to have our own operatives on the scene itself NOW! WE have to be the ones ahead- not the Aliens, not those Time Travellers, and especially not the-"_

"...the...?"

Deathly silence permeated, followed by a thud.

"Ta... Takagi?"

No answer came.

"...Must be..." murmured the man, looking decades older. "Tashiro, put _them_ on the line. We'll have to clean this one up..."

"The rest of you can go back to your posts."

...Tok. Tok tok tok tok...

A week later, Koizumi Itsuki received his new assignment and bowed to the head of operations. He had a job to do.

O

General Author's Note

Da daa da ddda da-dada... H.E.L.P. is on the way!

Beta read by Kildred


	8. The weird one

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 8

"One." came the monotonous voice of Nagato Yuki. "Two. Three."

_Initiate._

* * *

Koizumi smiled.

Asakura Ryoko smiled back.

"...Well, here we are."

The light-haired young man nodded. "Thank you. I probably would have gotten lost trying to find my way here, if you hadn't help."

"Oh, no problem. You're supposed to be my classmate, after all."

The grin on Koizumi's face became a little too perfect. "Ah, is that so? It's nice to meet you, err..."

"Asakura. Asakura Ryoko." she beamed.

Raising his right hand a little as if to attempt a handshake, the boy promptly dropped it awkwardly.

"..."

"...Mmph..."

Smiles. Smiles all around.

"...So, how's the class? Do you think I'll have trouble catching up?"

"Hm, you did transfer here quite late. But I'm guessing our teacher will be lenient with you regarding older assignments."

"Ah-huh."

"Although, I'm not so sure about your other classes..."

"I see. Uh, I hope I won't have any problems _fitting in._" he said in a mildly joking tone.

"You wouldn't, so no need to worry about that." then she added slyly- "In fact, you'll be pretty popular with the girls."

He chuckled. "My, my! I'm flattered."

With a smooth gesture toward the door, she continued. "Class is starting soon, so you might want to go in now. You shouldn't keep _them_ waiting!" Wink.

"Ha-ha! If I didn't know better, I'd say that you think I have an _ulterior motive_ for transferring here!" Then he fixed his face pointedly at her. "I assure you, I'm here to _study._"

"Oh, oh! I have a feeling that you'll be studying hard, alright! The subject _can be quite complex._"

"I'll be mindful." he replied brightly, opening the door. "Thanks again!"

"Like I said, no problem." Then, as a finisher- "I _am_ the _class rep,_ after all! It's _my job_ to take _good_ care of you..."

Bleep bleep psnfeloujgfodnvghinckaefgh...

* * *

"Miiikuruuuuu!"

That was all the warning the aforementioned girl had before being tackled from behind, as a helpless yelp squeaked out of her mouth from the sudden impact.

"W-w-wha... Suzumiya-san?!"

"Hey, hey..." replied Haruhi, resting her chin casually on the other girl. "Where's the chief?"

"Oh... oh! Um... Kyon-san had some things to take care of at the office, but he should be back soon..."

"'Some things to take care of'? Being awfully vague there, Miku-miku!" Poke poke.

"I wasn't trying to... EEEEK!"

"Denial? Hmm, should I be suspicious now?"

FWIP.

"...ING SON OF A-" Glance. "...THE MOMENT I SET FOOT TO THE CLUBROOM, I FOUND ASAHINA-SAN BEING MOLESTED IN A MANNER THAT SHOULDN'T BE PHSYCALLY POSSIBLE-"

Instantaneously latching on to the room's new occupant, the exuberant girl gave her greeting. "Fearsome Leader! I've came with great news!"

"Oh? Is that so? Wait just a moment..." Drrrkkkk... Pttk! Drk drk drk drk... "...Damn, it's stuck! I better try the other one... Ugh, no- that one needs to be out of the way first... okay so a slight push here..." Drrrk. "...There."

"I'm settled." he said, sitting down in an attentive manner. "Go ahead."

So she started.

"Alright- you might not have noticed, but see, that new guy who transferred today... Well, that's the thing! Just how long has it been since school started? Who'd move at this time of the year? This 'Koizumi' character's... pretty fishy.

Oh, oh! But wait- that ain't the most fishy part! Have you noticed how he behaved? The way he cheerfully greeted everyone, this... this flawless smile plastered to his face? And he started to talk to these bunch of guys right away after lunch- None of that 'New, Shy Transfer Student' routine. Gasp!

And, see, that... I'm getting to the point, yeah? Give me a moment... Ah! The thing is, when he first came in from the front door, he had this... haunted look on his face. Like, all pale and ghostly and... well, no- more like he saw a ghost or something...

Actually, it was closer to... Trapped? Looking trapped? Anyways, he was really freaked out at first. Then five seconds later- 'Hi everybody! It's Mr. Smiley!' He caught sight of us, by the way, right before, _just _right before- self conscious, eh?

Transferring late, looking troubled, trying not to show it... There's a story here- he's got a story. A, a... a dark one! A dark past that drove him here and... and it's epic! A dark past of epic proportion dragged this guy to a new school, and he's trying to hide it because that's how he likes it, and, and just smiles and smiles and smiling the way he does, all the time...

The point. The point is that we should get him. Recruit. We got, like, Quiet Yuki over there, Mikuru-chan here (Squeeze. Yelp!), and... you... You! Fearsome Leader! Hey hey!

So we need the Smiley Guy. This _club_ needs the Smiley Guy. You know, for balance and... and variety and whatnot.

So how about it, chief?

What do you think?"

"..."

**Wordlessly, the Fearsome Leader of the infamous H.E.L.P. rose from his seat, a mysterious and unexplained gust fluttering his uniform as he walked to the door. His back facing the room, the one known as Kyon spoke in an ominous manner without turning, the lights slowly dimming around them...**

"_Gee, it's drafty in here. And are those rainclouds gathering?_

_Suzumiya-san._

_Haruhi._

_I'll... go talk to him. I don't know about getting him to join. But I'll be talking to him._

_Okay?_

_Oh, by the way- can you lock up the room before going home? I won't be here for the rest of the day. Appointments._

_See you later, than._

_I'm off now._

_...Bye."_

* * *

"You're in."

Koizumi blinked. "...Huh?"

"You know what I mean." he continued. "Expect _Haruhi Suzumiya_ to drag you to the clubroom. Oh, and Welcome to H.E.L.P." Shake.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment to get to. I'll see you tomorrow."

Tok tok tok tok...

"THE NEXT PHASE HAS BEGUN, GOOD HEAVENS! MEETING WITH THE SAD LADY HAS INDEED BECAME A MEETING, THE REASON- PREDICTED YESTERYEAR BUT, ALAS, FOOLISHNESS! OH COME HITHER, VAST, DARK CLOUDS. COME..."

His face... was unreadable.

O

General Author's Note

Coming up next on the next update- The Next Chapter! Wow, who would have thought that!

Beta read by Kildred.


	9. The beginning

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 9

"Heh."

"..."

"Hehe... Oy, _Kyon-kuuuuun!_"

Pfft-fwip!

Kyon blinked as the paper cover that shot out from the straw bopped his nose.

"Ha! Caught you off-guard!"

Breaking out a strange smile, he sipped his drink lazily as Haruhi's attention wandered off to rummaging through her bag and stirring the chips of ice in her soda at the same time. Grin. "Heh...Now, where did I put that..."

Sunday afternoon, the cafe on the third district. Haruhi called Kyon to meet her there, just a little earlier. Something he should see! Come quick, come quick!

He did not bother to question why she couldn't wait until tomorrow.

He did not bother to question why no one else from the club showed up.

He did bother to question how she knew his number, with concern in his voice.

Rummage, rummage...

Suzumiya Haruhi. The bright, excitable high school student. The co-founder of H.E.L.P. and project director. The girl who collects clippings of horoscopes and keep them in ketchup bottles.

"Ah, found it! Here it-"

The one who was, for all intent and purpose...

* * *

"Hmm..." Flip, flip.

Asahina Mikuru stared at the booklet in Haruhi's hand, unnerved. "Err, Suzumiya-san? C-can you consider looking elsewhere?"

Looking up, the eccentric girl just gave her a big grin. It wasn't reassuring.

"...Of course, if you really want to win," came the voice of Koizumi, whom walked in to the room with Kyon carrying a flat box. "you should think about making gutsy investments from time to time."

"IT'S EASY TO get carried away, though."

"Hey, I know that game!" exclaimed Haruhi, pointing at the top-hatted character on the cover.

Koizumi smiled one of his smiles. "I thought I should bring a little something in when Kyon-san here mentioned slow days."

Glancing at the boys, she noted how casually they interacted with each other and gave herself a mental pat on the back.

"Oh? Is that the same catalogue as yesterday's?" Kyon asked, looking toward the item in Haruhi's hand with a mildly interested expression. She answered with a shake of her head.

"Nah, that one was boring. This one, though," Flip-flip flip! "Is sure to bring people in!"

As the president of H.E.L.P. eyed the contents of the article, his face acquired qualities best described as "tightness". "...These... You want to _bring people in_ with..."

"Yeah! Hot, aren't they? I'm thinking of putting them on Mikuru and get her to hand out promotional flyers!"

Kyon shifted his attention back and forth between the pictures of... leathery strips that were meant, if the descriptions were accurate, to be worn somehow, and the blushing club member who shrank in her chair.

"...Haruhi, don't you think these are a little too... revealing?"

"Of course!" she replied with an angelically bright smile, clashing in a surreal manner with the article in hand.

The fearsome leader turned to look at the other occupants of the room, as if waiting for someone else to say something.

Yuki... was behind a new book.

Mikuru... seemed too flustered.

Haruhi... oh, _god,_ Haruhi!

...The new guy! Koizumi...

Chuckle.

Koizumi just wagged his brows playfully, earning him a sour look from Kyon.

"I..." Sigh. "As the president of H.E.L.P., I'm afraid that I must cancel your promotional project."

Drop.

Haruhi stared as if she was told to cut down on sugar.

"But candy's what keeps me going!"

(The boy's confused expression was the only thing that made her notice the error in the retort.)

"I mean, w-why?! It's appealing, effective, sexy-"

"_And_ will get us in trouble. The teachers will hit the roof, our parents will be called, Asahina-san will be embarrassed, and even if we manage not to get threatened to be closed down for some far-fetched reason, the club might..." Kyon continued in a serious tone "...receive the wrong kind of attention."

Asahina fidgeted.

A disappointed look crossed Haruhi's face as she grumbled with a pout. "Hmph... You're such a stiff killjoy, Kyon-san."

Saying "Oh, he's _stiff,_ all right." crossed Koizumi Itsuki's mind when he saw Kyon discretely peeking at the booklet again. He wisely kept his silence.

Running a hand through his hair, the chief looked almost apologetically at the depressed girl, before eyeing the flyers strewn on the table. "But, ah... you know, its not such a bad idea. How about a compromise?"

CRICK. Haruhi perked up as Mikuru flinched from the painful-sounding crack.

"Something with less exposure, that Asahina-san will agree on. And maybe things will work out better if you just took photos instead, that'll go on the flyers."

Haruhi beamed. "Alright, a photoshoot! That's what I'm talking about!" then, forming a rectangle with her fingers and turning to Mikuru's torso- "Booby Shot!"

Kyon palmed his face.

* * *

The sun made quite a descent as late afternoon approached, colouring the clubroom in a beautiful shade of orange. For the figure sitting behind the desk, however, this meant that his profile was shadowed in a dark and intimidating way since he was facing away from the window.

"...Nagato." called Kyon quietly.

The only other occupant in the room squatting at the corner... said nothing.

After some shuffling, the boy took out a small, rigid object and placed it on the table. "Your book."

"...Did you read it?" she questioned simply without looking up.

"Sorry, but no- I completely forgot about it. What I _did_ read, though..." Fwip. "...was what's written on this bookmark that fell from it this morning."

"..."

"Is there something you want to tell me, Nagato?"

"Yes."

"Something important?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me now?"

"...No."

Taking off the armband that Haruhi gave him, he pocketed it for the day and turned to Yuki. "What's this about, Nagato? And where do you have in mind?"

"The act of creation." she answered. "My home."

Silence hung in the air as the look on Kyon's face was saved to My Pictures as a high-resolution TIFF file.

O

General Author's Note

Um, not much to say here... Expect the next chapter to be out in about a month from now, as usual.

Beta read by Kildred.


	10. The talk

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 10

She sat there. She sat there, in front of her short table.

Drrrip. Plip plip.

...And poured him another cup. Kyon paced around Nagato's livingroom as he rambled on.

"...AND I PACED AROUND NAGATO'S LIVINGROOM AS I RAMBLED ON." Sip. He finished his fifth drink. "What was I... what was I expecTING WHEN I CAME HERE?"

"Back in the club... Nagato suddenly proposed that we... FOR GOODNESS SAKE, NAGATO! Do you have any idea how that sounded? People can get the wrong impression, you know.

So our dear, silent Nagato FREAKIN DRAGGED ME TO HER HOME. Calm down, calm down, I told myself, she probably wants... something that isn't on my mind. Yes. This is Nagato.

THEN I WALKED INTO HER APARTMENT SUITE, TO FIND THAT NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE. Just us. Okay, so Nagato of all people want some privacy, in her home, with no one else, with a guy who she wants to talk about important matters withWHY IS IT ALWAYS ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES WHO..."

Sip. "You know, this is pretty good, Nagato."

"Then she told me everything. Everything about... Haruhi?

Haruhi. That sweet, dreaming girl. So energetic, so full of passion for discovery. She... who is she? Who is she to us? To me? I thought I might have... I noticed how she looked at me. No. THE ECCENTRIC SUZUMIYA SMILED IN APPRECIATION AS I...

The source of the influx of data that THE BEING REFERRED TO AS THE DATA ENTITY SENSED THE INFLUX, Haruhi. Haruhi is the source. You claim that you're an alien who came here to keep an eye on her as ordered.

I'm sorry Nagato, but you do understand that this is hard for me to believI FELT UNSAFE AND CREEPED OUT BY HOW DELUSIONAL SHE IS. I mean, you really can't expect me to swallow all that you've said about... You're actually implying that Haruhi might be a-"

* * *

"...a god?" Haruhi repeated, blinking.

"Yes." replied Koizumi. "A god. Or at least, according to some factions."

She reeled back. 'A... god...?'

Amongst the quiet atmosphere of the small cafe in the evening, a ponytailed girl sat at her table open-mouthed, staring at the smiling young man on the opposite side. Eyes roved as if trying to detect anything out of place on the Esper's face, while a hand slowly drew upwards to cover her gaping jaw and her line of sight eventually lowered in thought.

Suzumiya Haruhi was confounded.

Here was a girl who, after grumbling about how something exciting like supernatural phenomenons never came her way, was suddenly presented with... Kyon. His strangeness had drawn the young woman to him, every actions, every gestures, every words he uttered filling her veins with an indescribable rush. She gathered her courage to ask if she can be with him as soon as she could, terrified of letting the chance slip by her. She followed him as they introduce themselves to their school. She had lunch with him every chance they got, drinking in his voice as light conversations were exchanged. She joyously helped in establishing the club, a reason she can use to see him and the other strange people they met nearly everyday. She finally found-

...Then came today. Haruhi was rather surprised by Koizumi suddenly coming up to her after the club closed for the day, asking her if she can join him later for a talk. Although he barely started to attend H.E.L.P. as a member and the girl didn't knew much about him, she always figured that he was a nice guy, if keeping a smile on for others despite his possibly epic dark past that she insists he has is any indication. But it still sounded suspiciously like he was asking for a date to her.

So she went.

They grabbed a nice spot by the window where the sun was starting to set. The handsome fellow member, now out of uniform, casually engaged in a light chatter with Haruhi. She remained patient, going with the flow of the conversation while anticipating his revealing of whatever crazy epic thing he has in mind. Needless to say, she couldn't handle the suspense and asked for it five minutes in.

"Ah, I wondered how long it would have take for you to crack." he said with a smile as he checked his wristwatch, then casually told her of...

Aliens. Time-travellers. Espers. _Espers!_ The possible three-year origin of the world. A single being at the center of it all. FINALLY! The supernatural! The paranormal! The sexy-secret-agent-type sent to work with stealthy-cunning-extraterrestrial beings and fearless-busty-future-people to save the world, baby! What she wanted! What she got! What...

"...What..."

"......"

"...the _HELL?!_"

(Koizumi just might have flinched from the outburst. Just might have.)

Okay. So that new guy in your club with this weird smirk on his face all the time ask you out of the blue to meetcha at that coffee place, LOL! And after some dawdling about "yeah today was so slow oh man did you know that Taro from next class, like, asked her out right there where HEY I asked for extra cream in mine and some more of that... that crunchy thingy!" _Then,_ then he's like, get this- "So I'm totally an Esper, you know? And oh, that Yuki-chan is like, such an aaalien! Mikuru is the hotness. Also, she was sent here for a mission by an international organization in the future of unknown era, of which _remains_ unknown due to the fact that she is not yet authorized by her superiors to reveal classified informations of such magnitude. Yadi-yadi-yada, some phenomenal yammer yammer, WAAAH are you going to finish that?! Gimme! OMPH. Om nom nomm mb-by the mm-way, did I mention that all of us were born when we started middle school?"

_End Haruhi-audio reception summation._

Gathering herself, she quietly retracted from the front of Koizumi's spittle-covered face, and sat back down on the cushioned seat. Ignoring the incredulous look from the other occupants of the cafe as if nothing happened, the girl uncharacteristically straightened her posture in a calm, serene manner, folding her hands together and closing her eyes. She took a deep breath.

"..."

"...Um..." started Koizumi in a slightly nervous tone. He then settled back in silence.

Haruhi took her time in prolonging the lingering of the peaceful, yet awkward atmosphere. She exuded peace, radiated peace, glowed like a night-light in peace, and was generally just so plain peaceful that Koizumi wondered if she was doing it on purpose to make him squirm.

"Squirming yet?" she asked suddenly.

"Oh... Ohh! Ha ha..."

She continued. "You..."

"You've made some... fantastic claims. The supernatural kind. The paranormal kind. The everything-I-ever-wanted-in-one-delicious-package kind.

And judging by the sheer sincerity and eloquence of your explanation... I believe that you believe what you are saying."

Koizumi mentally praised his own Mad Linguistic Skillz.

"However..."

CONK.

Wincing, the young man blinked as a jolt of pain shot down from where Haruhi bopped him.

"Silly Koizumi! I'm not stupid enough to swallow that much right off the bat- Ya haven't even shown me da juicy stuff, man!" exclaimed she. "Where are the bent spoons? Where are the Gazillion-tetrabyte future-phones? Where are the samples of alien-droppings? And where...

Where's the evidence that our awesome but admittedly too-human Kyon is, of all things, a god?"

* * *

The plan was simple. Tell Kyon that Haruhi is the cause. Tell Haruhi that Kyon is the cause. Stir well, add cilantro.

By telling the other about the creation of this world, they gain a valuable ally who wields incredible amount of influence over the subject. And getting the subject to think that the other is the subject, while slightly risky, will make suspecting the subject's own self as the subject highly unlikely. It was discussed at length. It was planned step by step. It was handled by the best agents they had to offer.

It was one of the _very_ few things that the three organizations agreed on.

Mikuru let out a sigh. The relations between the Time-travellers and Espers were always strained, and many of the higher-ups openly detested the Aliens. Personally, she felt that they were being overly territorial due to perceived rivalries. Urk, those hard-headed bigots! The young Asahina was glad to find that Koizumi and Nagato are civil (Of course, in Nagato's case, it's hard to tell).

Walking in place and craning her neck slightly, she waited for them. The calls she got from the two yesterday can be easily summarized as- "Neither of them were convinced." No matter- they won't be in disbelief long. She knew it as well as she knew that their seemingly dangerous plan will _eventually_ bring the best results.

Tap tap tap...

Ah, here they are now to discuss her upcoming talk with Kyon and Haruhi. She wondered if Koizumi brought drinks today, for once.

O

General Author's Note

Here is the tenth, with a major part of the plot, Haruhi sitting still, and Yuki singing to ponies off stage. Oh, did you noticed the way the god in this story was referred? Vague.

The following is a little alternate scene. Read it if you have no reason not-not-not to.

**Alternate Scene Commence!**

Tap tap tap...

Ah, here they are now to discuss her upcoming talk with Kyon and Haruhi. She wondered if Koizumi brought drinks today, for once.

Click-click.

"We're here, Asahina-sa... Why do you have a lampshade on your head?"

"Didja bring the Bud Ligh-"

"I think you've had quite enough." said Yuki, finally speaking to Mikuru on-screen and therefore shocking everybody from the Data Entity to Fido so much that everything ceased to exist. Again.

"...Well, that's one way to make our jobs easier." Or so Koizumi would have uttered, had he been still with us.

**Alternate Scene End!**

That reminds me- the fic now has chapters in double digits. I suppose that's something.

Expect the next one in about a month or so, as usual.

Beta read by Kildred.


	11. The three strange agents

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 11

_A Sunday morning, almost noon..._

Her words came out softly, and he watched as the pair of lips mouthed them. What looked like the start of an appreciative smile began to twitch on his face. The boy's posture indicated alertness, and his eyes seemed to be capturing every movement she made.

Mikuru was sure that Kyon was memorizing everything she said and did to a point where he could repeat them.

"...I see." replied Kyon as the girl beside her paused during her explanation.

It wasn't all that easy to tell him, but she went through it smoothly regardless- although, her eyes were averted away from his for the most part. Mikuru did not feel completely at ease facing him as she told the boy of Haruhi.

Of course, his gaze didn't help, either.

As she finished, Kyon leaned slowly against the seat of the bench with a contemplative expression, hands making a tent on his lap. "Yes, I see..."

"You really are in on this too."

She merely nodded.

"Hrmmnn... Well, I thought... when they told me about you being a time traveller, I thought that I could just mention it to you in passing and you'd deny it. That would have been the end of this whole thing, but..." He gave her an amused grimace, and Mikuru couldn't help but shift apologetically.

"So that's all three of you... anything else you can tell me?"

"...Classified information." Actually, there was another thing that she could tell him about, but she dreaded the massive amount of paperwork involved.

Revealing the fact that he will be molested two weeks, three days, and five hours from now just wasn't worth going through all those forms in Mikuru's eyes, considering how unpreventable the event is going to be.

* * *

_An hour ago, after everyone showed up..._

Nagato stared.

Nagato stared at the straws clutched in Haruhi's hand, tilting her head slightly. Nagato stared at the grinning face of Haruhi, shuffling the pieces around carefully. Nagato stared at the fellow H.E.L.P. members gathered around, all of whom had their attention on the white strands sticking out of the smiling girl's grip.

Nagato stared at the activity known as "picking straws", and... waited like everyone else for the result.

...

The results...

Koizumi, go with Nagato and... Haruhi to the museum downtown. Take notes.

Mikuru and... Kyon, go through the park and take the photos. The theme is nature.

...

Haruhi stared, and Nagato noticed a hint of a pout forming which promptly stopped as the girl shrugged slightly. Nagato stared at the obviously enforced neutral expression.

Onwards, H.E.L.P.! Meet back at two o'clock.

Walk.

Nagato stared at the sidewalk that she, Haruhi, and Koizumi passed by as they went their way. Nagato stared at the snuffed out cigarette ends strewn about the streets (Forty seven, forty eight...). Nagato stared at the signs and notices on the lampposts, and read them and read them and read...

"Yuki? Hey hey you're trailing behind, Yuki!"

Nagato stared at her fellow club members who stared back.

Walk. Turn. Left, straight down. Go around the two dozen orange cones. Left, right across.

The museum.

Nagato stared at the plaque that hung on its entry. Nagato stared at the bricks that made up the entrance area she was facing (Twenty thousand, twenty thousand and one...). Nagato stared at the doorframe, the hinges moving...

Enter.

Nagato stared. Nagato saw. Nagato saw the side walk, the cigarettes, the signs and birds and trees and bees and the ultraviolet rays. Nagato saw the streets, the buildings, the orange cones and notices and the museum. Nagato saw just minutes before the near-imperceptible crinkle that suggested concealed weariness on Koizumi's face, the nervous but determined demeanour of Mikuru, the glances toward the club president's behind from Haruhi, the rather discrete yet intense gazes by Kyon locked on Mikuru's ponytail and Haruhi's ponytail and her ponytail and a random female pedestrian's ponytail and a random male pedestrian's ponytail and the ponytail he saw out of the corner of his eyes as he shook his head in denial and ponytail ponytail ponytail...

Nagato saw.

Nagato knew.

Nagato stared and saw and knew.

But she _has not yet seen_ how the source of the data influx works and _did not know_ how the source of the data influx works, no matter how much she stared at the... subject.

It was kind of scary.

"...Yuki?

Hey.

Yuki.

...Oh, geesh...

You're so quiet, Yuki!

Lighten up.

You're only human."

* * *

_Yesterday, by a pond._

Ruffle ruffle.

Crush.

"Here you go..." Flick, flick.

...Quack.

Plop plop gulp.

Koizumi... fed the ducks.

"Mm. Okay..." Kyon nodded slightly. "You too, huh?"

Koizumi just smiled. Smiled and fed the ducks.

"And you can't show me anything? Can't make this... cup move without touching?"

"Haha." he chuckled.

"Figures."

The ducks floated, digesting.

"Well, that's the last of it." Dust, dust! He dusted his hands.

It was a pleasant, pleasant day, just the way he like it.

"You know I won't just swallow it."

Koizumi gave him an amused look.

"No proof, no nothing... You can't seriously be trying to convince me."

The smiling boy chuckled again.

"What are you and Nagato playing at?"

"_And_ Asahina-san."

"...And Asahina-san... You know, I somehow doubt that."

Grin. "Oh, believe me. You'll be convinced soon enough."

Heh.

A skeptic. Chews before swallowing.

"Birds..." murmured Koizumi, leaning forward. "...are so much easier to feed."

"Hmm? What?"

"Heh.

Hehe.

Ah ha ha ha

Ha hahaha haha hahahah!"

Laughs Out Loud.

"...I hate you." stated Kyon, tone laced with a touch of fear.

Smirk.

It was a pleasant, pleasant day, just the way he like it. He liked how the day was pleasant.

Because when the day is pleasant, work is pleasant.

To stay pleasant? Smile. Like you mean it.

Pleasant. Smile. Keep it up.

He had a job to do.

...Ah ha ha!

* * *

Tap tap tap.

Click. Flash flash.

"That should do it. We're done, Asahina-san."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Now lets... Huh. We finished ahead of schedule."

"Oh. Mm, you're right."

"Well. Hm. Do you want to check over there and kill time?"

"Sure."

Tap tap. Tap tap tap tap tap tap...

"You know..."

"Yes?"

"Are you really _really_-"

"Hehe. Yes, I'm serious about being a time-traveller."

"Ah."

Tap tap tap tap...

"You know..."

"Yes?"

"Coming from you, Asahina-san, I think I'm starting to have an easier time believing that... well... that the three of you really mean it."

"..."

"Of course, you might attribute that toTHE TWO OF US WALKED WITH LEISURE TOWARD THE SMALL RED SWING SET, AS RED AS ASAHINA-SAN'S FACE..."

O

General Author's Note.

One, one. How are you doing, everyone?

This fic got to its eleventh. Hm. One more and its a dozen.

...One more and there'll be twelve chapters. Twelve. Mm, yeah...

Well, have a good holiday, everybody! Expect the next chapter in January, 2009!

Beta read by Kildred.


	12. The scary one

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 12

The tune kept seeping out .

Standing in the hallway, the little girl stared holes on the door of her brother's room, listening to the gentle humming ring through the crack of the open entry. The distinctive tone sounded at ease, melodious in her ear despite imperfections.

She couldn't help but smile.

As the girl pressed against the door and peeked in, she saw the boy leaning on his desk from his seat, absorbed in his work. The humming continued unbroken amidst the scribbling of his pen, a hint of a curl gracing the left end of his lips.

He had been talking about a club he's in.

He had been smiling a lot more.

He had been coming home late recently.

He had been quite obviously enjoying himself during that "recently".

...And he had been very, _very_ late that night not so long ago, unintentionally waking her as he tried to discretely sneak into his own home, muttering amusedly about some girl...

'There's no doubt about it.' she thought. 'Kyon... has gotten _laid._'

Unbeknown to Kyon, his sister gave him a Thumb Up behind his back. She had been hoping that he can make some friends at his new school, and it seemed that her brother has... gone well beyond that.

* * *

"So here's..." started Kyon, trailing off.

"Ah, okay..." replied Haruhi.

"Yeah. By the way, if you look closely at this..."

"Hmm? Err... I don't see what you... ah, okay. I see it."

"Mm-hm. But if you just turn it a little to..."

"Huh? Oh... Yikes. How did that...?"

"Heh. Honestly, I haven't got a clue."

"Oh, sure you don't."

"Hey, come on. What do you take me for?"

"You know what I take you for, _Kyon-san._"

"Really? Oh, wow. Really, you take me for... wow."

"Well of course I do. Yes. I. Do."

"You just don't miss a single beat, do you?"

"No. No, I don't."

"Heh. Yeah, well... But seriously, this is..."

"Quite something. Really, it's... something."

"I honestly don't have a clue as to how it happened."

"..."

Mikuru and Koizumi just stared blankly at their exchange.

And as another one of their club meeting drew to a close, Kyon excused himself early again for an appointment ("Don't forget to lock up."). Only a little while later, shuffling the contents of her bag, Haruhi began to pack.

"By the way, the Computer Society's president will be coming over tomorrow. He got it ready."

"Oh? Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Picked a good model, too. Hey, have you seen my pen?"

"Pen? Let's see..."

Rummaging ensued.

"...Hmm can't find any..."

...and ensued, and ensued.

"Jeez." Haruhi muttered as she rolled her eyes at the struggle. "Thanks for the effort, but why don't you try using your epic _Esper powers_ to find it?"

Koizumi chuckled. "It doesn't really work that way. I have to be in... Ah, found it." clack. "And it's more of an... offensive ability."

"Offensive? Cool." Walking over to Yuki who remained reading silent at her corner all this time, Haruhi suddenly clasped the quiet girl's head, and turned the cranium sharply (CRACK. The other two in the room flinched) so that she faced the supposed Esper. "Let's battle! Yuki the Alien Warrior, blast him with your Invisible Impotency Ray!"

Mikuru looked worriedly at Koizumi's horrified expression.

* * *

Clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack...

The report the report the report...

Clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack...

It was due tomorrow.

"And... it's done." Clack-clack.

Sighing in relief, the girl slid her mildly aching hand off from the keyboard. Anymore and she would have worried about arthritis.

"Well, that's it for the _book report for class._"

Mikuru was a very busy person.

Between her job as the agent from the time-travelling agency, homework (to make sure she stayed clear of trouble from the school), daily report regarding the subject's activities, club meetings, patrols for prevention of supernatural mishaps... well, she really didn't have a moment to spare.

Glancing toward the clock, she groaned at how late it was. Again. It was a miracle that she hadn't just dropped flat like a brick in the middle of class. Or on way to school. Or when she was being forced into another round of groping by Haruhi.

She shuddered at the last thought. Who knows what that pervert will do when she's unconscious? Mikuru already often felt abused and violated even when fully awake and struggling to squirm out of some of Haruhi's more... aggressive gropes.

Rubbing her eyes, the weary time-traveller groggily made her way to bed. Another eventful day, watching the almost surreal-feeling interactions between the subject and the other, two attempts at rearranging the clubroom, trying to reassure Koizumi that Nagato wouldn't really fire such a...

...Um, probably. Maybe. Haruhi _did_ ask for an invisible one, so she can't be sure.

She laid herself down, relaxing on the bed sheet as drowsiness began to spread through her. Ah, finally some rest.

...Grab, grab, GRIP.

Of course, the day wouldn't feel complete without her...

Mikuru took a good hold of the mirror she grabbed, and applied pressure to the back of it. With a small pop, a hidden flap opened up to reveal an item she had carefully smuggled into this era, as the higher-ups wouldn't have sent her here with such a thing if they knew about it. Too risky.

Smiling contently, Mikuru traced her fingers over the glossy cover of the... photo.

A photo of a man.

Tall.

Dark brown hair.

And a lazy looking set of eyes that has, for decades, quietly observed _countless_ number of pontai-

"Goodnight." she whispered. "Goodnight... and sweet dreams."

O

Author's Note

Heeeeeeere's... the Twelfth! Yay a dozen chapters!

Beta read by Kildred.


	13. The one with fights and secrets

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 13

The sun rose above the city, beaming through various windows and rousing the inhabitants awake. Today was a busy day. Today was a Monday. Today was the day of an epic supernaturally-enhanced battle, encounter with dangerous assailants, kicking ass very hard, and secrets.

Within five different homes, within five different rooms, within five different mouths, yawns and groans (and one "...") escaped to signify five teens' return to consciousness.

* * *

_Koizumi's epic day_

* * *

The young man, sneaking glances back, began to lament.

'How did it come to this?' he thought. 'And today started off so fine...'

Ah, well... lets backtrack.

Waking up was a horrible, horrible ordeal, as usual. Bone cricking, head swimming, eye blearing...

"Ugh..." he uttered, summing up the experience.

Bits and pieces of dialogues, images, laughs and tears assaulted him, but the boy endured. He began sorting through them to figure out what his schedule was for the day, and...

Koizumi grinned as Asahina-san's outfit yesterday came to mind amidst the mess of memories. And Haruhi's thighs. And Asahina-san's gym shorts. And Yuki's bre-

Twitch.

"...Huh?"

Twitch.

Could it be? He... checked.

Twitch.

Oh.

Twitch-bulge.

Oh, yes.

Twitch-bulge.

Yes. YES.

Bulge.

Oh yes yes yes it didn't work didn't work DIDN'T WORK!

Bulge.

Bulge.

Bulge. Bulge bulge bulge bulge bulge bulge...

YEEEEEEEESSSSS!!

He was beaming for the next hour.

After breakfast and the morning routines, he left early to make sure he arrived on time. Was she waiting for him? She probably remembers, right? Hm, should he just go ahead and press it? Press, press... Ah, here it goes.

Koizumi rang the Suzumiya residence's door bell.

After some delay, soft, irratic thumping began and grew louder on the other side of the door, and suddenly the entrance swung open without prompt.

Swish.

"..."

"...Ughhh..."

It seemed that Haruhi was even less of a morning person than Koizumi.

"Um, good morning, Suzumiya-san. Didn't you, er, get up an hour before?"

Haruhi gave him the bleariest glare ever. "Yeah, I got up earlier like you told me to, but..." she mumbled curses that sounded rather damning. "Jeez, who gets up that early? I fell back asleep. And you know what? It's _still_ too early!"

"Oh. Oh, er... So are you going to... We should really get it over with before school starts..."

An angry sigh escaped her. "Yeah yeah, I'll be ready in a moment. This better be worth it..."

'...Whoa...' thought the esper as the girl went back in, letting go of the breath he was holding. 'Haruhi... sleeps in only her-'

Not now! It would be unprofessional to continue. Clear your thoughts...

It was a relatively short walk, probably ten minutes from her home. Neither of them said a word until they reached their destination, and only after a brief glance around the vicinity by Haruhi.

"So... what the heck are you planning to do, dragging a girl out here, early in the morning when there are barely anyone out, in front of a... hm, you know, this alley way looks like the kind they show on the news, with the victim sprawled on the..."

"Suzumiya-san.

Remember that talk we had?

About Aliens

Time-travellers

and Espers?"

_Espers!_

She scoffed. "Oh, nooo of course I don't remember when someone tells me that I've been hanging around with some clique of supernatural beings recently! Is that what this is about? Even I have limits on playing along with-"

Da-da-da DAAA DA! Esper time!

The bluish giant glowed with energy barely restrained, limbs rippling with raw power. Emitting a strange, but not quite bestial roar, it towered over the surrounding buildings many times over. Each step was a stomp crushing against the concrete, each swagger a rain of debris from crumbling buildings...

'Hm, it should take about a minute or two.'

Signalling a stunned Haruhi to retreat between the alley if it becomes necessary, Koizumi took a calm, steady stance as he faced the behemoth. Impassively, he inhaled.

An orb of fire engulfed him as he leaped.

"Wha...?" gurgled she.

Massive appendage, to his upper left. Accelerating...

Dodge.

The fireball zipped through the air at blinding speed, twisting and turning between obstacles. And the giant followed with lashes, equally speedy. Few times they grazed, an exchange of hits echoing sharp clacks.

A direct clash.

The shock-wave spread, trailed shortly by broken glass. The fireball shot across the makeshift battlefield, piercing though a condo, puncturing a billboard ad, scraping the top of an department store...

Heading for Haruhi.

From within, Koizumi hung upside down as he jerked from a sudden stop. Through a partially clear field of red, he saw Haruhi slowly lowering a pair of arms covering her line of sight, raised to shield against the gust that followed the abruptly halting orb.

Koizumi gave the gaping girl an upside down smile before rushing back to the blue giant, showing no sign of having been hurtled through the air. And then of course, down went the behemoth, along with the flickering closed space...

"Hoo! Let's go, Suzumiya-san. School will be starting soon."

"..."

The walk... was awkward. Koizumi was expecting her to bombard him with questions, but she hasn't said a word. In fact, Haruhi seemed as if she was avoiding the boy, what with the two meter distance between them and the way she's trying not to stare. He wasn't sure how to handle such a situation. For a while they were, as far as anyone can see, just two unacquainted teenagers going off to school.

This unexpected development worried the Esper.

"...Hey.

Hey, Koizumi..."

"Yes?" Finally. What's wrong?

"Um... Hey, you don't..."

Koizumi slowed down. "Yes?"

"Er.

Koizumi.

You don't have-

...Koizumi.

Koizumi, you're

You're

...You're single, right?"

"..."

"..."

Oh.

...Uh-oh.

UH OH.

"Err, just asking..."

'Seriously,' he lamented again, rubbing his temples. 'Just how did it come to this?'

If anyone asks, it wasn't his fault.

* * *

_...Nagato hour_

* * *

The jump was graceful.

Nagato, despite her small, nonathletic build, flew into the air with a single bound. Her blazer rippled, arms drawn slightly back, face toward the clouds and lips parted as if to kiss...

Which was good, because the side walk beneath her warped, then sunk with a thump.

Radical factions.

Enemies.

They were everywhere.

Her landing on the railing was quickly followed by another leap, followed by a clank followed by the sound of metal being crushed. She was counting, counting as another impacted right beside her cheek, blowing up a few strands of her hair.

Ten minutes. Ten minutes in and already it was dying down.

Yuki contemplated the implications of this as she twisted to evade two. There was little to gain by doing this, especially now. It would only help in exposing the dissenters. The motive of the invisible assailants was unclear.

Then she sensed it gathering. Gathering, as the assaults stopped. Gathering, as it focused on a new target. Gathering, on a certain part of the city at a certain part of a street in which resides a certain part of a residential infrastructure a good half a kilometre away from her.

They were targeting the _other_.

The crackle signalled the start, and the wide, circular column of a translucent beam began its downward track. A concrete wall that Nagato leaned against shattered as she raced. Racing against the column, the time.

"..."

And the beam...

"..."

...descended...

"..."

...and...

"..."

Fried.

KRRRRRIIIIIIII...

Fried.

FRIED.

Fried to a crisp.

"..."

Completely beyond recognition.

"...Ouch."

She, the charred, bleeding mess known as Nagato, laid there. Laid on the rooftop wafting a trail of smoke. Waiting, waiting...

"Ouch." she repeated, her lungs collapsing soon afterwards.

The recovery took thirty minutes, as she had to regrow many vital parts that burnt from the inside. Clothes were reconstructed with a whoosh. Skirt flip! Patching up the battlefield in painstakingly accurate-to-the original detail took ten or so minutes. Hypnosis on witnesses required one as most everyone around that area was asleep. ("I-I didn't see nothin' funny! I was just getting my paper-") Hopefully, the next assailant was as weak as this one.

And that was the story behind Nagato Yuki arriving very late for school. But, at least, she wasn't late for the save.

* * *

_Super Smash Mikuru Melee_

* * *

SMACK.

Jaw unhinging, tooth flying, and levitating in air for a number of seconds, the execution of the uppercut was clearly perfect.

"Ow!" exclaimed the young man, clenching his mouth with his hand. "Whut da ell did you do dat fo, you wrazy-"

The kick across the face shut him up.

"What were you going to do?" Mikuru asked the boy as he sputtered. "Ah, never mind, I already know what you were going to do. Stay. Away. From. Kyon."

Snarling, he rose to his feet and swung a punch toward her. Unflinching, she grabbed his wrist, pulled in, and smashed her elbow onto his arm.

Crrrick!

...And twisted.

"WAAAAAGHHH!"

She sent him down again with the back of her fist on the head.

The boy lay twitching, and attempted to get up, but then the kicks to his ribs and chest began. And despite his pleas to stop after the fifth, she continued for well over five minutes, glaring silently.

"You..." she began, halting her blows and crouching down to the sobbing teen on the floor. "This is a warning. Don't let me see you anywhere near him again. Because next time..."

Fwip.

"...I'm going to start _cutting things off_."

And for emphasis, she chucked the knife onto the floor, an inch from the yelping young man's face. It was embedded all the way up to the handle.

* * *

_Kyon and Haruhi_

* * *

"There they are."

They were.

"Yes, I see them. By the way, where's... ah, here she is."

She was.

"..."

"By the way, did everything go smoothly with Suzumiya-san?"

Not quite.

"Ah well... you know, so-so..."

He dodged.

"Uh huh. Oh, He's getting closer."

He was.

"Ah, she actually said that. Those two are... pretty close, aren't they?"

Yup.

"Their proximity to each other is, averaging the instances of slight tips forward and back, is approximately 85.47834218476..."

Of course.

"Uh huh. Okay, here they come."

And they started it.

Asahina provided the exact date and time. Koizumi arranged the plan. Nagato executed it.

The three of them were going to stop him.

"...So, as you know, I..." Kyon trailed off, and sighed softly. Then, with a resolved expression, he began again. "Haruhi, there is something I have to tell you."

The girl's interest piqued. "Hm? What is it, Kyon-san?"

Breath in, out...

"Haruhi, I

I...

Haruhi, I-"

_Activate._

_Zip._

"..."

Haruhi looked up at him curiously. "Kyon...?"

"..."

No reply came. He stood there, mouth open, eyes blank.

"Kyon? Um, Kyon-kun? Are you okay?"

"..."

"..."

"...Kyon-kun!"

He snapped to attention. "H-huh? Oh, sorry about that..."

"Sheesh. Anyway, you were going to say something?"

"Hm? Oh, I, er...

...

...it's nothing.

Never mind.

Never mind..."

And with her shrug, they left.

Sigh.

"...Hey.

Hey, Itsuki-san..."

"Yes?"

"...Forget it. We had to do it."

"Yes. Yes, we did. It was too early."

"..."

And they watched the two, setting off together, as another round was conjured.

"...THEY HELD HIS WORDS, HALTING THE PROGRESS. IT WAS THEIR BUSINESS, THEIR DUTY TO THE WORLD, AND THEY JUST HAD TO, HAD TO! THE RELATIONS WAS THEREFORE DELAYED IN DEVELOPMENT, FOR THE LEADERS JUDGED THAT IT WAS NOT THE TIME, NOT THE TIME..."

O

Author's note

Here's the thirteenth. Go, Mikuru, go.

Beta read by Kildred.


	14. The one with revelations and chasing

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 14

Ready.

Set.

...Go.

_TWO WEEKS, THREE DAYS, AND THREE AND A HALF HOURS SINCE THAT DAY AT THE PARK WITH MIKURU._

_(One hour and thirty minutes remaining.)_

* * *

The knights were positioned. Pawns placed themselves in strategic locations, ready to defend. Armours glistening, they faced the battlefield...

Clink.

Koizumi raised an eyebrow at the move. Was he missing something?

Mikuru patiently waited for her opponent's maneuver.

The clubroom was devoid of their president, and was missing the usual chatter from Haruhi. Glancing in her direction, the Esper was quickly noticed and was given a wave of her hand, along with a toothy grin. Quiet. She was pretty silent and preoccupied today. But that was understandable, considering what she found out. Although...

"Suzumiya-san" Koizumi spoke up. "I think you should loosen your hold on Nagato-san. She's turning blue."

"Oh. Alright..." she answered hesitantly, letting go of Yuki's neck. The quiet girl said nothing, and continued reading the novel she hadn't ever stopped reading even at her bluest.

No move was made to leave Haruhi's lap. Too much trouble.

Turning back to the game, Koizumi moved a bishop. He was only half surprised earlier on in the day when Haruhi suddenly appeared and tackled Mikuru, apparently finding appeal in making physical contact with a Time-traveller wearing the school's uniform. The boy soon had to restrain her, as it was revealed that the girl also found interest in taking photos of a Time-traveller stripped of the school's uniform.

The questionings that followed wasn't too bad. She was severely disappointed when she found out that Koizumi's powers (to his horror, she called it the "Koizumi ball") can only be used inside the closed space, as she wanted him to do some... burning. In the case of Mikuru, she became rather frustrated due to most of her answers being "classified information". She was then groped, the question of its relevance to Mikuru's refusal to give details hanging unanswered.

As for Nagato...

"Heh hehehe" was emitted from Haruhi's curled mouth as she half-nuzzled, half-hugged the silent character of the club. "Hehehe heh...

Heh.

Yuki.

Yuki Yuki...

Yuki Yuki Yuuuuukiiiiii...

Hehe heh.

Yuki..."

"..."

The words "Damn creepy" ran in unison through the minds of the other two occupants. There was something really unsettling about the half-lidded, empty-yet-eerily-glinting eyes of their currently rocking (back and forth, back and forth...) fellow member. How can Yuki just calmly... oh right, the game... err, who's turn was it...

It was a few minutes later when a familiar voice signalled his arrival.

"-UE PANTIES, RED PANTIES! FOR THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND THE SILKY GARMENT, THE INFINITE COSMOS DIVIDED BY THE ALIGNING OF THE TWENTY TRILLION SUPERNOVAS-"

Creeeeaaaak.

"Ugh." grunted Kyon tiredly. "Gotta... remember to oil it..."

The others stared at their president wobbling his way onto a chair to plop down. He gave the Haruhi-Yuki arrangement a brief glance, and wisely chose not to comment on it.

"Hey, Kyon. Where were you at?"

"Oh? Oh, an appointment." he answered, rubbing his eyes. "And some... errands for the teacher before that, and finishing off some assignments at the last minute... Uhhh its been quite a hectic day."

"Here, have some tea."

Mumbling a thanks, he took a sip and continued. "I still have another appointment to go to. Don't you just hate it when these stuff pile up all on the same... Oh. Oh hohoho Koizumi, are you sure about that?"

The other boy looked at him, puzzled.

"You had her cornered! You could have won if you moved that knight right beside the pawn, but now you've blocked yourself with your own pawn."

"Oh... ohhh, shoot. How did I not see that?"

Mikuru grinned. "I barely saw it myself. Luckily for me, you forgot about this side."

Standing up, Kyon had a good look at the arrangement on the board. "It's understandable, though. You were trying to get rid of that bishop, right?"

"Ha ha! You're a sharp one, Kyon!" laughed the boy, swinging a hand to give Kyon a hearty slap on the back...

_But he underestimated the height of his upper waist, even though he took into account that the other boy was standing. The hand was therefore aimed far lower than intended, heading straight for the club president's fully covered but shapely behind. Closing in, Kyon's rear was about to be slapped hard enough to produce a yelp and forever present an awkward air about whenever the two interacts in the future..._

Kyon sat back down suddenly, receiving it where Koizumi intended it to be received.

"Nah, it's nothing. By the way, what happened to those forms for the supplies?"

"I finished them. Sent them off just a little while ago." replied Haruhi, trying to read along with Yuki. She was too quick.

Kyon stared at her silently, face blank.

It was sometime after he finished his tea that he excused himself, apologetic about the recurring absence. Checking inside his inner pocket, he pulled out a small note and read it as if to confirm its contents, dazedly walking out of the room.

"Asahina-san, I'm going to be finishing this off pretty soon."

"Is that so? There may be more to help you, but I know what moves you'll make."

"It was obvious from the beginning that it'll come to this..."

"We always knew there would be, at some point in time, conflicts."

"I'll check, check, and keep checking. I'll check it until I get what I need, and then... my goal shall be achieved."

* * *

_One hour and ten minutes remaining._

* * *

They stared. They always stared. Even though it was a common sight by now, and admittedly some stopped at this point, most still looked. They usually got out of his way, averting their eyes when he was close, though it was obvious.

"...HALF DOZEN EYES WATCHING ME. JUDGING ME, WEIGHING ME. SIZING ME UP AS THEY LEAN AGAINST THE SIDES, THEY PRETEND NOT EVEN THE ROLE OF SPECTATORS, THOUGH THEY ARE MORE..."

Turning a corner, he moved aside as he saw someone carrying a pile of books coming down the stairs. They not only looked heavy, but were stacked high enough to obscure the carrier's face. That doesn't seem very safe...

"Whaaaa!"

Unfortunately, as the girl couldn't see, she did not notice Kyon moving out of the way to her left- where she turned to. Colliding, the two fell from the weight of the books dragging them downwards, Kyon hitting the floor heavily right before he cushioned the girl and the barrage of literature...

_Groaning, she slowly opened her eyes and rubbed the sore spot on the head where a book slammed on to. Dizzy from the fall, she looked around confusedly as she wondered how her body did not smash against the floor, left hand stretched in order to get up and unknowingly inching her fingers closer to the area between a certain someone's legs..._

"Arrrgh!" exclaimed Kyon. "Please get off me!"

Realizing what happened, she jolted up immediately.

* * *

_One hour and thirty-six seconds remaining._

* * *

"...Hey." called out Haruhi, digging her chin onto her favourite alien's shoulder.

Koizumi turned to look at her.

"See, now that I know I have

An alien,

A time-traveller,

And an Esper

(Esper!)

as fellow club members, I've been thinking..."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Why don't we, like, form a little group or something? Then we can gather our powers and resources to... I don't know, help people?"

Looking at her strangely amidst Mikuru's giggling, the exasperated Esper (Esper!) stretched out his arms to gesture all around the clubroom occupied by H.E.L.P.

Haruhi shook her head. "No, no. I was thinking of something more like... You know, those bunch of people who has their own theme song? And we can have our own dynamic group poses! And... and TIGHTS! Colourful tights with these awesome belts containing cool gadgets and-"

Mikuru's head slammed face-down on to the table.

"Hey!" exclaimed Haruhi. "If you don't like my idea, than just say so."

"..."

"...?"

Mikuru laid there, unmoving.

"A-Asahina-san?" Called the boy beside her, moving to shake the girl awake. "Are you okay?"

"What the... did she really faint?"

Knock knock.

Without waiting for those on the other side, the door opened immediately after the knocks, to the occuppant's surprise. However, they experienced a whole different level of shock when the intruder was revealed to be...

"Heheh hehehe! It's no use! She won't be getting up for while."

"What the... You're-"

* * *

Fifty-seven minutes remaining.

* * *

Rubbing the back of his head, Kyon slowly opened the door of his classroom. Within the dimly lit, mostly empty room, he jerked in surprise when it became apparent who was waiting for him.

"Asakura-san?" he queried bewilderedly.

"Good afternoon, Kyon." replied the class rep with a smile.

"So you're the one who called me here?"

Her grin grew bigger. "Kyon...

Kyon, there's something I need to tell you."

Standing directly in front of her, Kyon wordlessly straightened his back in an attentive posture.

"I... have been watching you. I have been watching you for a long time.

I've seen you in class. I've seen you in the halls. I've seen you when you walked home alone last Thursday.

...I've seen you with your club members. I saw how you talked with them. How you laughed with them. How you all seemed to have enjoyed each other's company. You seem so much brighter.

I'm... tired of it. It just isn't enough. It just isn't enough for me to merely watch. So I have decided that today, I will make my move."

She drew closer to the boy, who did not quite seem to know what to say.

"A rather... bold move. Because that's what it takes..."

"Asakura-san, I-"

"...to provoke a reaction out of a static subject!"

...?!

_She wasn't drawing close anymore. Ryoko Asakura now seemed to be circling him, as if a shark would when waiting to strike the prey. Kyon looked taken aback._

"Nagato-san has told you, right? About the objective of the Data Entity?" cue predatory grin.

The boy merely nodded nervously.

"Well, you can say that I'm all for going to... _extreme measures_ in order to study the cause of all the bustling."

She slowed down near a desk and, smiling innocently, pulled from beside her a...

...

...A broom?

Kyon's eyes widened in absolute fear. "I-is... is t-that a... You're..."

"That's right!" she exclaimed in a cheerful tone, gripping the handle tightly. "I'm going to **sodomize you with a broomstick!**"

* * *

_Fourty-eight minutes remaining._

* * *

"Hey there!"

Haruhi and Koizumi gaped at the woman in the doorway. A woman with orange-tinted hair. A woman with bright, wide eyes. A woman with a gigantic pair of-

"Great Bouncing Ta-tas!" yelped the excitable girl, throwing Nagato off her lap (Haruhi had always suspected most aliens to have high pain tolerance. The girl was in fact still reading as she landed on the floor with a thud.) and rushed over to the newcomer. "C-can you be-"

In a flash, the woman had her in a familiar hold, face inches away. "That's riiight! I _am_ Mikuru-chan, and you..."

Grip.

"Heh

hehehehe hehe..."

"...Huh?" muttered Haruhi, who soon let out a yelp as Older Asahina began administering-

"WAAAAA HAAHA HAHAHAHA?!"

"Ooh, are you ticklish, Suzumiya-san?"

"S-s-stop i-i-i-iHAHAHA HAHAHAH...!"

Is this what I've been doing to people? The question rang through the mind of the brunette as she was assaulted from all directions. As she seriously contemplated this while struggling to free herself, she began re-evaluating the kind of treatment that the younger Asahina dealt from her. After careful consideration, she came to the conclusion that was already obvious to everyone around her.

Suzumiya Haruhi was a friggin pervert.

'Oh my... I'm a pervert.

...

...a pervert.

Pervert.

I'm a perrrrrrrvert! Muhahahaha hahaha!'

Koizumi did nothing but stare as he could do nothing but stare. Not that he particularly minded.

It was only after Yuki suddenly stood up, walked over to the two, and whacked their heads with her four-inch thick book (Haruhi received an extra hard one) that the room returned to some semblance of order. Greetings exchanged, they went back on topic.

"Wait-wait-wait _waaait a minute!_ Let me guess!" Haruhi shouted, pointing rudely. "You poisoned our Mikuru in order to replace her, because according to the rules, that is how time-travelling older selves are supposed to operate- with fists, extortion, deceit and murder!"

Older Mikuru looked appalled. "Goodness! Whatever gave you that idea? I'll have you know that such rules only apply when-" Oops. "Um, I mean, classified information! Just know that I'm not here to replace my younger self."

"Then may I please ask you as to why she's unconscious?" queried the Esper skeptically.

"Well, I can't tell you too much about it, but let's just say that interacting with yourself from another era isn't a very good thing to do, so I slipped a little something in her drink." she replied vaguely. The time-traveller then took a good look around the clubroom, expression softening.

"Then what are you doing here?" Haruhi asked curiously. "Running from debtors?"

Not stopping her browsing, Older Mikuru scoffed and shook her head, mumbling something that might have been "How ironic it is for _you_ of all people to ask me that."

"Again, I can't tell you much about it since it's"

"Classified Information." said the three in unison.

"Right. But you can sort of say that I'm here to pass on a little... message."

"Message? From who? _My _older self?" Haruhi asked, tilting her head.

"Just listen carefully- its only two words."

"_Two words?_ You made a trip to another era, and that's all you came to deliver?" Koizumi queried, amazement unconcealed.

Sigh. "Yes, I came all the way here just for that! Now..." She eyed Haruhi questioningly. "Is there somewhere private we can go to, or can I ask Itsuki-san to leave for a sec?"

"What? But it's just two word! Why go through so much trouble, unless it's something you've been ordered not to let Koizumi hear?"

"Ummm, well I haven't been ordered that, but-"

"Come on, just tell me already!"

Giving her a look that said "You asked for it", she tiredly rubbed her temple. "Alright, then. Suzumiya-san, remember these two words-"

Both the girl and the Esper drew closer. Clearing her throat, Older Mikuru told them.

Ahem.

"Carry."

The other two nodded.

"Protection."

...

...

...!

Silence.

"...Hey, where did Nagato go?"

* * *

_Thirty two minutes remaining._

* * *

"...Nagato?"

Nodding, Yuki stood between Asakura and Kyon. The young man panted, short of breath due to frantic running.

"Ah, so you managed to get in here!" Asakura exclaimed, her smile matching nicely with the surreal background. "Let's get started."

Boom. _"Your ass is mine, Kyon!"_

Kyon swallowed.

They moved at unnatural speeds, the sound of the two cutting through the air ringing in eardrums. Asakura acquired a pair of shimmering appendages, slicing, slamming, throwing...

"_...and once I get my hands on you, I'll make sure that Suzumiya-san will be the first to-"_

Nagato dodged. She dodged gracefully, weaving through her attacks with precision and speed. Slapping away a particularly large piece of debris, she kicked up a broken wooden seat to deflect a limb reaching for Kyon, then somehow hurled several desks toward her opponent. Jumping from projectiles after projectiles, Nagato took a stance as she began landing toward Asakura.

She was promptly thrown back by several airborne rubbles.

The boy watched helplessly as Nagato skidded speedily past him against the floor. Rushing up to the girl quickly, he crouched down as if to inspect her condition.

COUGH.

Gushes of blood spurted from her body, a spray from her mouth and several streams bursting from where broken chair legs pierced the abdomen. The other end of the protruding object poked through and was touching the floor, where a pool of red began to form.

"Nagato!" Kyon called out in an urgent tone, eyes wavering. "Nagato, get up! You have to get away from here, Nagato! Escape before she kills you!"

Despite the obvious strain and damage to her body, Nagato remained expressionless. She gazed deeply at the face hovering over her, and spoke to him in an even tone. "I am fine."

COUGH.

Kyon watched with a look of surprise as Yuki began to stir, attempting to get up. Grabbing the splintered debris spiking her, she pulled them out with a powerful tug that produced a sick squelching sound. Wobbling, she stood up shakily to stand by him as blood reddened her uniform, keeping an eye on Asakura who watched them amusedly.

"Nagato, you-"

"Do not worry." she told him, somehow reassuringly even with her monotonous voice. "I... will save your ass."

* * *

_Twenty minutes remaining._

* * *

"Yuuuukiiiiiii!"

"Suzumiya-san, she's obviously not in the room."

Koizumi rubbed his chin as he watched Older Asahina interacting with Haruhi, contemplating the implications of the woman's presence in this time-line. If she is here now, alive, dandy, and making lame jokes about doing things that would result in herself becoming her own descendant, does that mean things are going to work out eventually, after the... conflict later on? But then does she even need to be here? Does this mean that she had to be here to change something, so that everything goes smoothly afterwards? (With just two words?) Time-travellers were certainly terrifying beings, the knowledge they hold capable of changing everything if they were to be let out. Just how rigorous is the selection process? What is stopping an agent from being tempted? Is Asahina-san being watched or heavily monitored in some way to-

"Itsuki-san! Suzumiya-san!" Older Mikuru called out, taking off the lid of a marker with a smile. "Let's write stuff on my younger self!"

The Esper forgot about everything as he joined the fun.

* * *

_Sixteen minutes remaining._

* * *

Her smile was serene, yet tinted with hints of sadness. She looked up toward the heavens at nothing in particular, and breathed out deeply as if to release her tension along with it. Closing her eyes, she sighed heavily at the futility of it all, as she thought forlornly of her short life.

Ryoko Asakura was dissolving.

"Looks like you won." she said to Nagato neutrally, then turned to the boy beside her. "Good bye, Kyon."

Kyon frowned and averted his eyes. They were watering.

"Your sexy buttocks have been saved for today. Saved,_ for today._"

He shivered. His eyes watered even more, but for a different reason.

The former classmate and class rep then gave them a genuine smile right before her head disappeared, and then she was gone.

...

PPPSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH SSHHHH SH PSSSHHHHHHHHHH...

...

Kyon groggily opened his eyes as he lay on the floor. Their psychedelic surrounding quickly deteriorated soon after the girl was gone, and he quickly moved to cover a worn and torn Nagato as everything began to shake violently. And now they were... back in the classroom?

The boy turned his head, and a strangely non-bloody Nagato lying under him entered his vision. She was staring.

"Nagato? Are you okay?" he asked, blinking tiredly.

"I am fine." she answered simply. "Nothing has been-"

She suddenly froze, mouth half open.

"...Nagato?"

"..." closing her mouth, Nagato subtly shifted her head away. "...I..."

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

"...I forgot... to reconstruct..."

It was then that he thoroughly eyed Yuki's face. Her _glasses-less_ face.

"Oh. Is that all?"

"..."

"...Well, you know... I think you look better without it."

Yuki suddenly whipped her face toward him, and although still expressionless, her gaze seemed to have been intensified.

"You... think that..."

The same monotone. Her broken sentences, though, suggested...

"Huh?" Kyon exclaimed confusedly, leaning closer and-

Clink.

"...Think that..."

Kyon stared long and hard at the pair of glasses that bumped into his hand. It wasn't missing, after all.

"...That..."

But then what did she-

"You think that... I look better **skirt-less?**"

"..."

"..."

"...!"

"...?"

Kyon _looked._

"BLACK AND LACY-"

Sliiiide.

"_WHOA!_" exclaimed the intruder.

* * *

_Meanwhile._

* * *

Taniguchi always felt a bit guilty.

They were never best friends or anything. But when he was younger, they often hung out together along with Kunikida. They were... pretty good friends. They played like crazy till dawn.

Then something happened three years ago.

He stuck with him initially, of course. Social self-preservation, however, won out in the end. It was a selfish, childish, and a rather mean thing to do, though admittedly smart as it kept him out of trouble.

Taniguchi felt pretty guilty.

For the last few days, he gathered courage to talk to him- he was going to apologize. And besides, it was ridiculous how he never even said a word to someone he knew for so long, and in the same class. Asking around, he found out that the boy was last seen going inside their classroom, so he went there. Sighing, he prepared himself and slid the door open...

"-ACK AND LACY-"

Sliiiide.

"_WHOA!_"

Yuki Nagato. Nagato Yuki. A first-year student currently in the literature club and H.E.L.P. Shorter than average, she is somewhat infamous for being dead silent and almost always seen reading something. Considered by some as having an "untouchable beauty" feel of sort. Currently, she is... laid out on the wooden floor of the classroom that isn't hers, skirt-less, hair slightly mussed, uniform ruffled, and with a red-faced Kyon crouched above her and looking stiffly toward the doorway.

_...Snap._

Taniguchi slammed the door shut without a word, then calmly turned to walk away. Shoving his hands in his pocket, he casually made his way out of the hall, out of the floor, out of the building's empty front, out of the school yard, out of the entrance, and onto the streets, where he was lost in the crowd.

'Looks like... I came at a bad time.'

"..."

'...Lucky son of a-'

* * *

_Six minutes remaining_

* * *

"Well!" exclaimed the time-traveller brightly. "That was pretty fun, wasn't it?"

Koizumi blushed.

"Jeez, where could Yuki be?" Haruhi wondered out loud, having gone back to searching for the petite girl. "She's always here! I've never even seen her going to the washroom since I met her."

This caught the other two's attention, and Koizumi spoke up. "Come to think of it, she really doesn't seem to have other places to go to during school, except for classes and the library. And the trips to the library usually take her twelve minutes at most."

"Should we go look for her?" the eccentric girl asked in an excited tone, the words 'alien hunt alien hunt alien hunt!' running through her mind.

Sip.

"I'm pretty sure we don't have to, Suzumiya-san." replied the Esper. "Let's just wait for her."

"Wait a minute!" the elder Asahina shouted. She quickly looked around the room, found a calender, and huddled over it. "Today's... _Wednesday?!_"

"Um, yes. Today is Wednesday." Koizumi answered, cocking an eyebrow.

Suddenly grabbing the boy's hand, the woman swung open the door. "We have to go, Itsuki-san! I am _so not going to miss it for the second time!_"

"Hey! Where are you running off to with Koizumi?"

"Suzumiya-san, watch your head!"

"Huh? What do you-"

Thump.

The light-haired young man stared numbly at the suddenly unconscious Haruhi's crumpled form.

* * *

Three minutes remaining.

* * *

Walking slowly, Yuki went through the halls supported by Kyon. After he gave her his blazer to cover herself, the boy suggested that she should rest a bit at the nurses' office, pointing out that she moved as if she'll trip any moment from now.

"..."

"Hey, Nagato?"

"...Yes?"

"Those... things you've told me about? About Haruhi and the others?"

"...Yes?"

"They're all true, then? Every single thing?"

"...Yes."

"I see..."

"...You seem to have lost your doubt on the subject."

Kyon scoffed. "Psh. Yes, Nagato! When a crazy perverted alien traps you in a drug-trippy dimension and comes after your ass, people have the straaaange tendency to re-evaluate their views on things."

Nagato stared, then nodded.

"Well, at least it's safe now. I mean, it's not like these kind of things happen regularly, right?"

"..."

"..."

"..." cough.

"...Um, right?"

"..."

"...Right? Nagato?"

The petite girl turned her attention to the window. There wasn't anything to watch.

* * *

Fifty four seconds remaining.

* * *

"Sorry," Older Mikuru apologized, panting slightly as she ran. "But this is something she's better off not seeing, and you just know that she'll follow us."

"I... understand..." Koizumi replied, out of breath as he tried to catch up to her. "B... by the way, when did you slip it in her drink?"

Suddenly stopping, she swung the door of the gymnasium open. Finding it empty, she slammed it shut and began sprinting again immediately. "It's in her cup. I slipped it in during night time."

"What? But how did you know you'd need to-"

"Well, I'm _going_ to slip it in. After this is over, I'll go back further in time to-" ...oh, shi- "I mean, CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!"

* * *

_Fifteen seconds remaining._

* * *

"..."

...Tap tap tap tap tap tap...

"Hm? Is someone running?"

* * *

_Ten seconds._

* * *

"There they are! Hey, Kyon-kun!"

"Nagato's with him?"

"It's almost time! Finally!" Waha hahaha haha!

Koizumi worriedly eyed Older Mikuru's twitching hands.

* * *

_Nine seconds._

* * *

Nagato Yuki... eyed Kyon.

Twitch.

"-Hey, Kyon-kun!"

Kyon turned, then raised a brow at a familiar-looking woman coming his way.

* * *

_Seven seconds_

* * *

Many kilometres above the island of Japan, a small rift in space opened, and a lean figure crawled out of it shortly afterwards.

"I'm here! I'm actually HERE!" exclaimed inter-dimensional traveller from the world of Szethafftskci happily. Pulling out a truckload of strange devices -obtained from many epic battles- from a conveniently multi-purpose, kick-ass bling, the trillionaire took a awkward stance that was taught by the great Dtsrawsi of Sdsebthzxu Owxhswyd (which took a zillion year to master, in a world where zillion was an actual number) to prepare for landing.

Whoosh.

The traveller, being really really awesome, shot toward the earth at a reality-bending speed, laughing with incredible confidence that would have made all those who heard it weak in the knees.

"NYOPYOHOHOHO! With senses that crosses even the borders of dimensions, I have located a tall, brown-haired young man that for some seventeen-thousand word reason, is destined to be my Tfuwfsdhdi! Prepare to be felt up!"

The warrior's hands began to twitch. Fantastically.

* * *

_Six seconds._

* * *

Haruhi started to snore. Mikuru drowned it out with her own.

* * *

_Five seconds._

* * *

Older Mikuru ran. She ran like crazy.

'I... won't... miss... it...'

* * *

_Four seconds._

* * *

Koizumi had no idea what it was that drove Asahina-san. Sputtering, he felt his legs burn from overexertion.

Twitch twitch.

"Huh?"

It was just itchy.

* * *

_Three._

* * *

Yuki began to-

* * *

_Two._

* * *

Older Mikuru tripped and-

* * *

_One._

* * *

Being so very very awesome, the traveller came down really-truly-ridiculously fast.

Psss.

...and burned to dust in the process.

* * *

_Zero!_

* * *

_**GROPE.**_

* * *

...?!!!???!!?!!!?!!

* * *

"M... m... m-made it." muttered Mikuru, a grin forming despite her heart beating as if it'll pop out of her. It was all worth it. She finally got to see-

Koizumi wore a look. A very haunted look. He couldn't believe what he was seeing even though the scene was being played out in front of him.

Kyon stood there, eyes wide, posture stiff, and mouth open.

Yuki... was in the alien equivalent of disbelief.

...Even though it was NAGATO's own hand FIRMLY GRIPPING the right side of KYON'S REAR END. Not a pat, not a caress, but a full-on, genuine _grope._

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Cheese!" exclaimed Older Mikuru, snapping a picture. And another. And yet another...

"...These... kind of things..."

"N-Nagato?"

"...It happened yet again. This time, the alien succeeded."

"What...?" Kyon murmured exasperatedly, looking from Koizumi, to Asahina-san, to the little molester.

She finally let him go.

Backing away slightly, the boy stared awkwardly at Yuki who had her face lowered, gazing at the floor. They were still expressionless.

"Nagato," Kyon began calmly. "do you mind telling me why you were... um..."

Koizumi wheezed.

"I..." replied the small girl, lifting her head back. "I am... unsure. But..."

Nagato Yuki made a gesture with her hand. Kyon, seeming to have deciphered it, drew closer and bent slightly to near her level.

"...I am unsure..." she repeated, whispering. "...But it could be that..."

The club president leaned further forward.

"...It could be that I have acted as I did, because...

...

...I wanted to?"

Kyon made that face again. This time, Older Mikuru saved it in My Pictures as a high-resolution TIFF file, too.

O

O

O

Author's note

The longest "Kyon" Kyon chapter I wrote so far. And now for some extra special...

**Alternate Asakura Scene!**

Asakura slowed down near a desk and, smiling innocently, pulled from beside her a...

...

"I-is that..." queried Kyon, shaking in terror. "...a _fifteen-inch dild-_"

"That's right! Now, _get down._"

Sobbing pitifully, the boy went down on his knees... and received the item in his hands, promptly using it to sweep the floor. It was difficult.

**End Alternate Asakura Scene! Oh Yeah!**

Beta read by Kildred.


	15. The coconut

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

Chapter 15

Grumbling, Mikuru kicked off her shoes and went straight to her bathroom. Today was not a good day.

It all went downhill when she suddenly dozed off during club hours. Dozed off! How could she just fall asleep like that?! Her gut feelings told her that it was all a certain, perverted female club member's doing. She probably drugged the tea, or something! It was very uncomfortable to know that she was completely vulnerable for hours, which gave Haruhi ample chances to do... _funny adult things_.

'And I bet that darned Esper just smiled and let her as he watched!' Seriously! She knew that in order to maintain peace and order, they had to 'go with the flow' which basically amounted to letting these things happen. But that Koizumi... There was something about his smile which suggested that he _enjoyed_ not doing anything in those situations.

She generally respected Koizumi. As an agent, he worked hard with her to make sure that the world doesn't all of a sudden turn into... something else entirely. He was diplomatic, too, which was great as she'd rather not work with someone who would grumble carelessly about sensitive issues between Time-travellers and Espers. All in all, he was a fine person to work with.

But sometimes, she wanted to give him a punch in the face. Especially after-

'These!' the girl shouted mentally as she rolled up her sleeve, revealing various... writings and doodles. Let's see, a punch to the face for the Esper, a high jump kick for the pervert, laxatives in the tea for the Alien who probably just read quietly as it went on...

Sighing, she began to get ready for a shower. If she hadn't noticed from the reflection on the window and quickly washed off the most visible ones, her face would have made quite a ruckus. How childish! Does it please them so much to draw such lame looking, overly elaborate moustaches? To write 'LOL, Time' on her bruised forehead? To doodle the first ten Pokemons on her cheeks? Ugh, those goddarn _f_- What the hell did they mean, that I gave them permission to do it?! And that I'll look back on this one day and laugh??!!!

Of course, there's also the fact that everyone except Haruhi has been acting strangely for some reason (even Yuki, who was somehow quieter and more awkward than usual), as if they... err... hmm, why does it feel like I've forgotten something that was supposed to happen today?

Strip.

...

"...!?"

And then she let out a surprised, embarrassed scream. Because right underneath her underwear, it was revealed, was a doodle of a funny looking stick-man along with a single name written in large, bold letters- "Kyon"

Of course, it wasn't in his handwriting, but she didn't know that.

* * *

Koizumi, giving out a strained smile, turned his head back to the person in front of him.

"..."

...And promptly dropped his head which he clutched onto for dear life, as Nagato silently stared at him. Sometimes, he really, _really_ hated this job.

He went to the clubroom much earlier than usual by skipping a class, wanting to speak with the girl alone about... the event which took place yesterday. It kept him up all night, as the image of Nagato's delicate looking hands clamping down on Kyon's buttocks played over and over again, haunting him. So when he saw that Nagato was there early as well, (like always) he asked to discuss some matter of importance with her, sat her down to put a desk between them, sat down himself, poured tea in his cup, drank it, sighed, took a deep breath, and confronted her about the-

'Arrrgh!'

Just how was he going to approach this?! Even the mere thought of doing so made him feel awkward, confused, and terrified. His head swam, everything in his eyes looked unreal, he could hear his heart beating...

"You would like to talk about the incident yesterday." Nagato did not ask, but stated bluntly. Neutral as always?

"Yes!" oh, thank goodness she started it first! Holding onto her words like a life line, he began to organize his thoughts into something slightly more coherent. "Yes, please! I-I want you to tell me what... just what did I see back then?"

"My digits were in the process of roughly fondling the right cheek of the pair of hips belonging to Kyon. They were firm, and shapely in-"

"I KNOW THAT! Err, I mean, I know what you were _doing_, not that I also know how his buttocks feel or..." He sighed again deeply, resisting the urge to bash his own head open. "Just tell me _why_ you were... ugh..."

"...Because I... wanted to?" she replied.

He was doomed. He just couldn't see this going anywhere right no matter what else she had to say. No doubt that the higher-ups from all sides are gonna go coconuts over this! And... and he haven't even told Asahina-san yet!! There was no way that he can avoid doing so either, as keeping something major like this may be taken the wrong way by her superiors. Ohhhhh, how was he going to face-

Koizumi almost had a heart attack as Mikuru slammed the door open, barging in violently. Her eyes were wide and wild in disbelief and/or anger. Her mouth quivered in embarrassment and/or repressed cry of rage. Her face was red from feeling flustered and/or furious, and her posture gave out subtle hints of tiredness induced by being kept awake all night.

"W-where's..." she gasped out, shaking terribly. "Where's K-Kyon-san?!"

Koizumi tried to answer her calmly. "Err, he's... not here yet. His class should be finished soon, but I think he and Suzumiya-san had to check something in one of the supply rooms afterwards."

SLAM.

The door frame seemed to vibrate as her fist connected, and the girl muttered something that might have been a swear or a variation of one of the cute squeaks she makes when she's forced to deal with something embarrassing.

...Actually, could those "cute squeaks" she's been making all this time as Haruhi molested her been muttered curses all along?

The other two members stared on as the space Mikuru occupied suddenly became vacant, most likely from her dashing out of there like crazy to check every single supply rooms in the school.

"...She seems troubled." Yuki pointed out.

"That's just silly, Nagato-san." Koizumi replied. Just where do aliens get such strange ideas? "Um, more importantly, we better do something about Kyon."

The girl nodded.

"Well, no matter how much I think about it, things are going to get messy around here for sure regardless of whatever it is that we do. So we might as well go for the clean, straightforward approach, and..." He gathered himself and looked at her seriously. "...Basically, I want you to talk to him and smooth this matter over."

Yuki, to the surprise of the Esper, turned her head away from him to stare at the wall at her side.

"That..." she said "...would be awkward and embarrassing..."

Koizumi cried. HELP!

* * *

"...but really, I should do more than that, shouldn't I?"

"Hey, it's okay! It wasn't that big of a deal."

Kyon shook his head. "You're practically holding everything together. I mean, sure, you come up with these crazy ideas that usually end up in Asahina-san performing unspeakable acts in tears while you watch with a sadistic grin on your face, which doesn't benefit the club at all, but without you spending so much energy on everything, the club would... Well, it never would have gone past the 'toying with the idea' stage."

Haruhi rolled her eyes and put a hand on his shoulder, smiling. "Hey, take it easy, prez! Just do what you could and be yourself."

The supply room somehow began to feel like the air has taken on a heavier atmosphere as Kyon's face seemed to stiffen. "What... would you mean by suggesting that I 'be my self'? In what way could-"

Haruhi began to look worried as Kyon suddenly stopped himself and massaged his forehead. "Never mind. Sorry, I've been a bit tired since yesterday." And without a word, the boy left the room and Haruhi remained all by herself.

"...What just happened here?" Suzumiya asked Suzumiya.

It was by the time when the girl found the darned box of chalks that she began to hear the rumbling, rapidly getting louder and louder.

SLAM.

"W-where's Kyon-san?!"

Haruhi, eyes wide in shock, merely replied. "He, err, left a few minutes ago. I'm not sure where he's gone to."

"Dammit!" she came all the way over to the other side of the school, checking every supply rooms on the way, for nothi- "Hey, wait a minute! Why are you in your swimsuit?"

* * *

Kyon walked toward his clubroom in his swimming trunks, reciting a monologue about life, death, and Haruhi's crazy beachwear-themed schemes.

He brought a towel, so don't worry.

* * *

"...Okay, so are you ready now, Nagato-san?"

The girl nodded.

"Alright! And you're going to talk to him, then?"

The girl nodded.

"Good. You thought about what to say to him?"

The girl nodded.

"Yeah! And you're going to twirl in slow motion and say 'Heeey there ya sexy thing'?"

The girl flipped her middle finger.

Koizumi grinned. It took him a while, but he finally managed to convince her to talk it over with Kyon. Slumping down on a chair, he took a well deserved drink of tea. "Well, then... We just need to wait for him, and it'll be over before you know it."

"..."

"..." Sip.

Nagato poured herself some tea as well.

Siiip.

And another.

Siiiip.

And yet another...

'Uh oh.' thought Koizumi, chewing his lips. 'She's getting jittery.'

"...AND THE ABS WERE BEAUTIFUL. COMING TO A STOP, I WAS ABOUT TO OPEN THE DOOR IN A MANNER THAT MADE IT OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE-"

The door opened in a manner that made it obvious to everyone that it was open, and Koizumi's eyes bugged out as Kyon came into the room half-naked. After eyeing his lean, oiled abs uncomfortably, he slowly turned to Nagato. Um, this wouldn't make it harder for her, right?

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Hey, N-"

* * *

Panting heavily, she leaned against the wall for a little rest. He better be here! After catching her breath, Mikuru scrounged up whatever energy she had left and barged in, not letting herself get too comfortable and fall asleep. "Is Kyon-san in the-"

A familiar piece of fabric flew. It was blue, and fluttered smoothly as it seemed to levitate gracefully in the air for one precious moments, ruffling like a bird.

Then the skirt fell onto slack-jawed Mikuru's face, but failing to obscure the other occupants in the room. Koizumi, panicking like there's no tomorrow. Kyon, looking like a beach-wear fashion model impersonator (the oil made it seem overdone). And finally Yuki, who's underwear of choice was-

"RED AND STRINGY-"

Mikuru snapped as everything clicked into place.

* * *

ROOOOAAAAAAAAR.

* * *

"Nagato-sannnnn...!" Koizumi half-shouted through gritted teeth, hands drawn out as if to plead or strangle.

"...Sorry." Nagato apologized, looking away. "I panicked."

"Panicked?! W-what..."

"..." she'd rather not elaborate.

"Oh, Itsuki-sannnnn...!" Mikuru called out sweetly. Sickly sweet. "You wouldn't mind giving me all the juicy details about a certain something I _missed out on_, would you?!"

* * *

Round Two! You can do it, Nagato!

Yuki stared at the boy, as she is prone to. She folded her hands impeccably, placing them at a perfect angle and location. She sat with her back straight, eyes to the front, and head raised evenly. She relaxed her shoulders, as they were getting awfully stiff. She opened her mouth, and carefully pronounced the phrase she painstakingly constructed, analyzed, rewrote, and revised.

"Good afternoon."

Nodding, Kyon replied neutrally. "Hey, Nagato."

"I apologize for yesterday."

"It's fine. I was just... surprised."

Nagato nodded. Kyon nodded back.

"..."

Then the tension broke as Kyon sat on his usual seat and leaned back, while Yuki picked up the book that was left unfinished the day before.

"...What the... That's it?" Koizumi exclaimed indignantly. "After I nearly died fretting over it, it's over just like that?!"

"Err, Itsuki-san? You're not taking things well like your usual self." Mikuru pointed out, nudging.

"But... This is huge! You can't just... This can't be-"

Kyon rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on! We're high-schoolers, going through our mid-teen years, and can get a bit impulsive at times. These things happen."

"But-"

"Jeez, grow up a little! She already explained why she did it, didn't she? Nagato doesn't have to share more of these type of things if she wants to keep it to herself, so what else is there for us to say?"

Koizumi was about to form a rebuttal, then realized that... it was over. There really wasn't anything more to this matter, besides the very personal details behind the reasons a certain female member of the club have for wanting to... explore. And quite frankly, he squirmed in discomfort too much today to have any desire to hear more about somebody else's... preferences.

Kyon shook his head sadly as he watched the Esper slump into his chair. "Oh, and Koizumi?"

"Yes?" he asked weakly.

"You're demoted for being such a panicky drama queen." Wink.

The sandy-haired young man blinked, then after remembering all the fretting he did for the past twenty-four hours or so, couldn't help but laugh at himself.

* * *

Cough, cough.

...

...What? Did everything go back to "normal", as if the incident never happened? Well...

* * *

'...Itsuki has been demoted due to my actions.' thought Nagato, not getting that it was a joke. 'That is unacceptable.'

Putting the book down and turning to face Kyon (who was finally starting to feel a bit chilly from wearing nothing but a pair of swimming trunks), her monstrously developed mind began to ponder. 'How can I make him reconsider his decision?'

It was during this moment that the memories of a certain conversation resurfaced.

"_Psh. Yes, Nagato! When a crazy perverted alien traps you in a drug-trippy dimension and comes after your ass, people have the straaaange tendency to **re-evaluate their views on things.**"_

"..."

Koizumi suddenly felt a peculiar chill, then noticed that Nagato stopped reading and...

...Uh oh.

"Kyon, RUN!" he shouted, recognizing the glint in her eyes. "She's got _that look_ again!"

Some minutes later, Haruhi trudged toward her clubroom after having been scolded by the principal for the "Fun Fun Beachwear Fund Raiser For H.E.L.P." incident. After all the work she put in, it was stamped out mercilessly! Ah, she sure could use some cheering up right now...

Swing.

And the door opened to reveal...

"...Huh?"

Oops. She was on the wrong floor.

O

O

O

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

I apologize for the long delay. And just so you know, I'm planning on releasing the next chapter in a few days or so.

...And yes, I quite enjoyed writing two chapters of people going bananas over Kyon's arse. Also, it needed to be done for this story to work (Seriously).

Beta read by Kildred.


	16. The Rift

Pseudotree's fanfic.

Disclaimer –I do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Something you should be aware of –When I said 'more…"Kyon-like"' in the summary, I really, REALLY meant MORE. Also, note the "" (quotation marks).

Summary –This is a story in which Kyon behaves more…"Kyon-like" than in the original series. Many laughs, many tears. Also features Kyon-pursuing Haruhi.

O

...?

_When the droning went on_

_And the clock tick-tocked by_

_All that I could do was sigh._

"-AND GRABBING ME, THE ESPER TRIED TO HOLD ME DOWN! IF ONLY I COULD SMASH THIS BASTARD'S FACE IN-"

"Please! Calm down!"

"You weren't supposed to hear us!"

_Even after being let out_

_For the rest of the day,_

_Nothing came about to play._

"THE LIARS AND CHEATS STARED DOWN AT MY VULNERABLE FIGURE WITH MURDEROUS INTENT, HELD BACK ONLY BY THE FACT THAT I WAS IMPORTANT TO THEIR MISSION!"

"No one wants to kill anyone here! Please, calm down! We're your friends!"

"What you heard back there was... You're misunderstanding our intenti-"

"LIES, LIES, LIES, LIES-"

_But now I've founded_

_A place, a gathering,_

_So we can do some wandering._

"-THEY WERE NEVER THE FRIENDLY BUNCH GETTING CAUGHT UP IN THE ECCENTRIC GIRL'S SHENANIGANS. THEY WERE PROFESSIONALS THROUGH AND THROUGH, DOING THEIR JOBS AS AGENTS-"

"Stop! I beg you! Please trust us!"

"Trust us!"

"-THEY HELD THE CARDS, AND HAD THE PERFECT MOTIVE! WHAT CAN COME BEFORE SAVING THE WORLD?! EVEN NOW, STRUGGLING TO HOLD ME BACK FROM EXPOSING THEM, BEING ACCUSED OF HAVING DONE THE MISDEEDS THAT SHOULD HAVE MADE THEM FLINCH IN GUILT, THEY ARE PERFECTLY DETACHED ON THE INSIDE!"

"No!"

_Come, my fantastic friends,_

_Let us dream and frolic,_

_Madly, and not being melancholic._

"WHAT DID IT M-MATTER TO THEM IF THEY HAD TO MANIPULATE A SILLY BOY AND A GIRL IN THE BACKGROUND, SECRETLY AND SUBTLY ALTERING EVERY ACTIONS FOR THE PURPOSE OF SATISFYING THEIR MASTERS?! THEIR MASTERS' IDEAL VISION OF A SAFE, STABLE WORLD! T-THEY WERE THE GODDAMN TWO-FACED AGENTS, THE CHEERFUL AND SHY AND EASY-GOING IDENTITIES THEY PUT ON AS FAKE AS THE TEARS CURRENTLY STREAMING DOWN THEIR FACES-"

"No, we're not! Please trust us. W-what we did was-"

"OF COURSE THEY WOULD MAKE PATHETIC ATTEMPTS AT DEFENDING THEMSELVES! THEY... THEY HAD NO IDEA. NO IDEA HOW PAINFUL IT IS FOR ME TO HAVE HAD THE THOUGHT! TO BEGIN DOUBTING! TO REALIZED HOW MUCH SENSE IT WOULD MAKE! T-THEY HAD THE POWER, THE MOTIVE, THE-"

"Please, I..."

"..."

"...I suppose we don't have a choice."

"You mean-"

"YOU CAN ALL LIE TO YOURSELVES FOREVER THAT WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING WAS THE BEST FOR EVERONE, BUT-"

"I-I request that...

...that...

...

...I r-request that he... forget."

_Never mind why_

_You have come before me._

_I did not start this club to worry._

"...HOLY SHIT."

"I... accept the request."

"YOU WERE ALL... DON'T TELL ME THAT..."

"You'll only be... Oh, god! I-I'm so sorry, but... Y-you will only be forgetting whatever happened in the last two hours, okay? We're sorry we have to do this to you. And... and although you won't remember, please, please tell me that you trust us. Trust that we didn't intend nor tried to-"

"A-AS I SAW MY ALIEN FRIE-

...ALIEN CLUB MEMBER APPROACHING ME TO DO WHAT HAD TO BE DONE, IT OCCURRED TO ME THAT... THAT THEY HAVE PROBABLY-"

"We're so sorry!"

"This has to be done! Please understand!"

"H-HOW MANY TIMES HAVE THEY APOLOGIZED LIKE THIS?! HOW MANY TIMES DID THE PEOPLE I PLAYED CHECKERS WITH JUST THE DAY BEFORE KNEELED BESIDE ME, BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS?! JUST HOW MANY TIMES

DID

I

FORGEt-"

_Dream and frolic,_

_Dream and frolic!_

_Why be reminded of your troubles?!_

_Dream and frolic,_

_Dream and frolic!_

_Knowing will get me caught in your troubles!_

_Dream and frolic,_

_Dream and frolic!_

_Getting caught in all of your fantastic troubles!_

_I have finally founded_

_A gathering for wandering,_

_So melancholy can get dissolving._

_My fantastic friends gathered_

_Before the strange, crazy pervert,_

_Then we wandered, played and flung some yogurt._

_Come, my fantastic friends,_

_Let us dream and frolic,_

_Madly, and not being melancholic._

_Never mind why_

_You have come before me._

_I did not start this club to worry._

_Dream and frolic,_

_Dream and frolic._

_Let us dream and frolic._

_-Pseudotree_

* * *

...?

"..."

...?!

* * *

Chapter 16

The Rift

The girl stared up at the beaming face of the stranger, a feeling of apprehension nudging her. Or was that her friend at the side poking her urgently to get the heck out of there?

"Hehehe..." chuckled the stranger, sending goosebumps up the two younger occupants of the park. "So you must be her, right? You're cuter than I thought."

Fingers twitched.

"Umm..." she began. This weirdo was giving her the creeps. "Who might you be?"

"Oh, I suppose we haven't really met until now, have we? But I've heard about you. A LOT about you. Never mentioned how adorable you were, though."

"H-hey let's g-g-get out of-"

"So, hey! Why don't the two of you come with me so that we can get a bit more... familiar?"

The little girls dashed.

"HELP!"

"CREEP!"

"PERVERT!"

"KIDNAPPER!"

"W-wait! I'm not a..." Haruhi yelped, chasing after them. "I-I know your brother! I got his number and everything!"

The two dashed faster and somehow outran the older girl, a prodigy athlete. This lady was dangerous!

* * *

"So."

"...Yeah?"

"So, how does it feel, joining the club within the club?"

Kyon gave him a look as the question was posed, to which the Esper smiled as a response. "Well, if you want to put it that way..."

(A pair of eyes from the back of the room stared, as if attempting to record his reply.)

The boy shrugged as an answer. "I don't know. I mean, what can I do? Seems like I'll just get dragged along and stuff, caught up in everyone else's pace. Meh."

"Hmm, maybe. But it wouldn't feel complete without you, Kyon."

* * *

"...But it wouldn't feel complete without you, Suzumiya-san."

"Damn straight!" the energetic girl replied, pumping her fist.

* * *

She weaved through the maze of shelves, certainty in her steps. The girl's eyes did not meet any of the books nor sign put up all over, as she did not need indicators. She was told where, what, and _when_.

"I know exactly how things will turn out."

Mikuru stopped suddenly at the astrophysics section, then reached to her side without turning and picked a book.

"I will open this book to page 48, and press the clover I've picked from the field."

From her pocket she produced a small, green envelope, stuck it between the book, and closed it shut.

"I am the hands and feet." she uttered, re-shelving the item two books away from its original place.

Walking briskly away, Mikuru turned this way and that until she came to the biology section beside the window, and bent over a chair nearby. After much tinkering, she stood back up and left it briskly.

"I am the hands and feet. I will avoid from pondering over the clover. I will execute."

"I will avoid from pondering over the chair. I will execute."

"I will find from time to time others like me. I know exactly how things will turn out. I will find from time to time those who act like others like me. I know exactly how things will turn out."

"I will

I will find from time to time others like me who don't listen. I will find from time to time among the allied factions others who don't listen."

"I know exactly how things will turn out. I am the hand that silences."

She snaked her way deeper and deeper into the walls of books, going farther and farther to the rarely visited. Mikuru stopped again between some hardcovers and the leather-bound.

"I know exactly how I will execute. I am theNO MA'AM I DO NOT SEE ANY PROBLEMS WITH THE ORDER, MA'AM-"

"...I know exactly how things will turn out."

Soft footsteps came from some meters away. It drew closer, until a familiar figure emerged from the shelf to Mikuru's right. He wasn't smiling.

"I know exactly how things will turn out." she uttered to Koizumi or herself.

From her pocket she produced another item, this time a small notebook sized book. Holding it between her thumb and forefinger, the girl spoke as if addressing audiences on stage.

"I will shelve this unto the space beside the blue hardcover on the left, on the fifth row."

She did.

"You will now take it out of the shelf. Because although I was given the order to

_Proceed_

you were told to

_Obstruct_

and therefore..."

Koizumi silently pulled the book from the shelf, frowning slightly.

"You will then shelve it three books to the right. Afterwards, I will take it out and shelve it again three books to the left."

Koizumi shelved the book three books to the right, then Mikuru took it out and shelved it three books to the left.

"You will then take the book out, look skeptically at me, then pause uncomfortably. Shaking your head, you make a move to shelve but stop yourself, grit your teeth, then clutch your head.

Koizumi took the book out again to re-shelve, giving her a sceptical look, but realized that she could be tricking him by purposely shelving it wrong. He dismissed the thought because if that was the case, there was no guarantee of him shelving it right. But he promptly stopped himself from putting it back four books to the right as it occurred to him that maybe she doesn't need it to be at a specific place, as long as it isn't the first place she put it. He got confused and clutched his head.

"You will then sigh in relief as I reveal that there are no such tricks involved whatsoever. You raise a single eyebrow shortly after, probably wondering why I revealed that. I tell you that I was told that I will reveal it. _I was told that I will reveal it. _You shelve it to the right, two books away, I take it and shelve it back where I first put it. You take it again and shelve it on the shelf on the other side, and I take it back out."

...Sigh.

Shelve.

Pick.

Shelve.

Pick.

Shelve.

Pick.

"You grab the book in annoyance and hold it up over your head."

Swish. Wave wave.

"I punch you in the stomach, grab it back, and shelve it."

Punch.

OOP!

Shelve.

"..."

"..."

Grab.

Pick.

Swish.

Snatch.

Punch.

Pow.

KICK.

SMACK.

CHOP.

SMASH.

CRUNCH.

SHING.

BLAM.

CUT.

SWORD.

SPELL-

"HOLY CRAP THAT HUR-"

"NOTHING PERSONAL-"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

They promptly stopped. Nobody messes with Mrs. Takahashi, the school's librarian.

* * *

The sun began to set, as children scurried out of the park. Kicking an abandoned ball away to the side, Tomiko crossed the grassy field toward the entrance with her friend following closely behind. It was almost dinner time.

"...and ran right into the chair! That was just... wait, let's go around. This was where that creep chased us, right?"

"Oh! Yeah, we better. She really gave us a chase, didn't she? And guess what happened when I got home- I went straight to Kyon-kun's room to tell him, then his phone started to ring!"

"Oh my-"

"I know! I told him not to answer it, then he thought I was playing a game and answered it!"

"Was it her?"

"I'm not sure. He didn't look very worried, though."

They stopped at a water fountain for a sip, and Tomiko leaned against it as she waited for the other girl to finish. Shuffling her feet, she spoke up as she looked away toward the swing sets.

"Speaking of your brother, how is he doing?"

"..."

"...Hm?"

"..."

"...Hmm?"

"..."

Splash.

Her friend sputtered. "Ah, jeez! Would you mind stop doing that every single time?!"

"No." Tomiko replied, deadpan.

Rolling her eyes, the girl wondered if she should get back at her the same way next time. "Whatever. Yeah, he's fine. Seems like he joined a club, too."

"Oh? What club?"

She paused. "Actually, I'm not sure. I think he called it Y. E. L. P. or something."

"But didn't he mention what he does there?"

"Well, it doesn't really help me figure out what the club is about. One afternoon, he mentioned something about... err, black lace or something. The next day, he was stuffing his beach towel into his bag."

"...Oh. That actually sounds pretty fun."

"Yeah..." she answered, growing silent.

"..."

"...It's really nice to see that he has some friends to hang out with him..."

"..."

"...Friends that can see past his quirk..."

"..."

"I-it's so great to see him coming home with a smile on his-"

"..." Scrape scrape scrape...

"...What the hell are you doing?"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry. I was busy scraping this darn gum off my shoe. Gosh, it's stubborn..."

After receiving a light smack on her forehead, Tomiko let out a indignant yelp and chased her friend straight out of the park, off into the sunset. Payback beckons, and so does dinner.

* * *

"..."

...

"..." rustle rustle...

"...thats..." rustle rustle rustle...

A limp body suddenly emerged from a small bush near the fountain, and plopped ungracefully onto the grassy field. The figure stared open-mouthed up into the orange sky, limbs and torso twitching from the pain that could have been avoided if she just kept out of the darn shrub. (hiding in there to, err, watch over the children wasn't as easy as they made it seem on TV) But that wasn't why she went completely numb.

"..That's not..." she murmured again, lip quivering.

"_...Friends that can see past his quirk..."_

"Heh... ha ha..." laughed the girl hollowly, shaking her head. "It's not like I... It's not like..."

Suzumiya Haruhi was in turmoil.

Here was a girl who, unlike many others, fulfilled her desire to encounter the unusual, from a bookworm alien to a time-traveller for playing dress up with, and even a ESP user who fought a shiny monster thing in her city. She even saw "god" regularly, and just hours before found him contemplating whether or not to get the pudding or manjuu at her school's cafeteria. They came to her as friends, and shared wonderful times together. But what if she was... Could she have been...

'Could I have been friendly to them just because of their strangeness?'

She knew that if they were to have been perfectly "normal", her interest in them would have been much lower than they are. If it wasn't for that "something" which caught her eyes when she first saw them, she may not have even really met the wacky bunch. And Kyon... Well, he made quite an entrance into her life! But it's not like she... she's not...

A fit of laughter wreaked her all throughout, and she rolled slightly as she clutched at her sobbing face.

"...N-no, that's... Heh hehe... No, no. It's not like I just... It's not like I just latched onto Kyon because I wanted to _bone some goddamn noisy freak! _We-we're real friends now, aren't we? I think of him as a friend."

"_...Friends that can see past his quirk-"_

"...We're friends dammit!"

A flock of pigeons flew away from the area as her yell echoed the deserted park. Numbly watching the birds beat their wings up in the sky, Haruhi's breath began to steady and her body began relaxing on the cushy grass. After softly dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve, the girl rested her hand on her forehead, looking ready to doze off. "Dammit..."

It wasn't long afterwards when she suddenly shot up, realization striking. "..._Dammit._"

Holy shit.

Could... Kyon have been thinking that? Could he have also been thinking that she was... that she approached him solely because...

Her hands ran through her hair roughly as she recalled a particular oddity in the boy's behaviour last week.

"_Hey, take it easy, prez! Just do what you could and be yourself."_

_The supply room somehow began to feel like the air has taken on a heavier atmosphere, as Kyon's face seemed to stiffen. "What... would you mean by suggesting that I 'be my self'? In what way could-"_

'...He couldn't seriously have been thinking that I meant...'

Suzumiya Haruhi. First year high-school student. Within the span of few months, she found many, many things entering her life. Boredom. Excitement. Embarrassment. Enjoyment. Inner pervert. Club. An alien, time-traveller and esper. God.

Now she found despair.

O

Oo

Ooo

Author's Note

...Okay, I'm _really_ sorry about the delay. Hopefully, I can now go back to the monthly schedule, at the very least.

Beta read by Kildred.


End file.
